Saturday, September 10, 2016
But not all is lost.
Andy Rooney got first dibs on Greta as she approached the Pearly Gates.
And below is the interview you've been dying to read.
Andy Rooney: Greta, thank you for allowing me to interview you first. I know that Walter Cronkite was begging to do this first.
Greta: Yes, Walter approached me first but he was only wearing a tie and you wore at least a suit coat and a tie.
Andy Rooney: Well, Walter hasn't been quite right since he has spent time in the clouds. You have to forgive him. I think he has altitude sickness.
Greta: It was just unsettling to see an old male angel with wings and a tie and nothing else. I'll have that image burned into my soul for eternity.
Andy Rooney: I can see how that would be unsettling. I'd like to start this interview with a question I know most people are asking, "Did that young and virile sailor slip you some tongue during that kiss?"
Greta: He really tried. I didn't want to be very forward at that time and the cameraman was right there so I kept my mouth closed.
Andy Rooney: Was there anything else happening that night after he kissed you?
Greta: I don't like to kiss and tell, but I could feel something rise in him and it had me curious. We rented a room for a couple of hours and I can assure you that there was something almost as big as a submarine down there. And I went to work on it - he was in heaven as I licked the enormous helmet and pretty soon has a mouth full of more than saltwater. I swallowed since it was a special day; my girlfriends told me that good girls don't do that but I was diving deep and couldn't resist landing the whole load.
Andy Rooney: Did he dive for your muffin?
Greta: He ate it like it was an entire bakery. He was my first down there and he couldn't get enough. He ate it like he was going back overseas the next day. I kept calling out God's name. I think that is why I'm here now. God felt my snatch throb. I can almost right now even if my snatch froze up about four decades ago.
Andy Rooney: Was he the only man you pleased that night?
Greta: There were so many men that I had a hard time figuring which one to ride dirty. I figured that my white dress was slung over the chair in the bedroom and wasn't going to get stained so I might as well take on the fleet and see if all the guys were up to the task. I'll tell you what - those stallions were so primed for the occasions - some blew their loads so hard that I thought I was going to taste it as it went from the stomach to the throat. It didn't take as long as I thought. There were about 20 of them and they were done, all cleaned up, and back in their uniforms after 30 minutes total time.
Andy Rooney: I'm surprised you didn't get knocked up.
Greta: I made them retreat when they were going to fire their gun. I did end up looking like an Apple Strudel with all that hot male icing. I did sample a few times. I couldn't figure where to start but I was a very happy woman that night.
Andy Rooney: Are any of them chasing after you in heaven?
Greta: My dance card is full so to speak. Thankfully they are all frozen at 20 years of age and aren't bothering wearing a tie.
Andy Rooney: Doesn't God condemn promiscuous sex?
Greta: No. He is just against bad sex. He insists that we spend a few years trying different positions and the guys have unlimited load and virtually no refractory period. They shoot their guns and then they are ready to mount my hill again.
Andy Rooney: Thank you for your time. I am sure you'll be busy tonight.
Greta: Tonight. Tomorrow. Time just flies here. There are tens of thousands of young soldiers that want a turn. There is something about a ghost peen.