Friday, November 25, 2016
If we can save $200 on a Surface Pro 4 or $2.25 off an Apple iPhone without a 35 mm headphone jack, it is so easy to dispense with the thanks and to go one with the greed.
It is not surprising that the knuckle draggers who demand others to pay for upkeep are the same polyester wearing water buffalos who can pull their asses off their couches with sunken cushions to get their stuff.
Yet, they can't get a photo ID with which to vote.
I'm as capitalist as Donald Trump, but I find the bastardization of Thanksgiving and the greed of Christmas shopping to be abhorrent.
I've made it a policy to never do my Christmas shopping at any place that opened on Thanksgiving.
You see, if greed is good, then maintaining a solitary day for giving thanks and to be with loved ones who still breathe is even more gooderer.
I can't imagine being compressed between a herd of four hundred pound polyester water buffalos who find desperate men with whom to copulate and the to bring those broods to Black Friday sales. I've seen these herds of water buffalos at Walmart on regular business days and they are none the nicer - their broods none the smaller - and then to think of them in the heat of ovulation AND getting a $199 flatscreen television to put in their apartment that is otherwise taxpayer funded rubs me the wrong way.
There are the ugly people that support themselves who also have Chevrolet Vegas on cinder blocks in the front yard or who drive $50k foreign label SUV's who just have to buy themselves the greatest 96k television with surround fart systems that have flat panels that measure drive-in dimensions to watch "Survivor" and to twit their 250 odd character thoughts on belly button lint. These are the same jackasses who bought an iFraud last Black Friday only to discover the new iFraud 96 with crossed eye retina displays in vivid almost living color deluxe cinescope. Perish the thought that last year's model had almost almost living color semi-deluxe vision.
If there are encouraging signs about our greed and material consumption, it is that over 50 percent of the population doesn't want to have polyester water buffalo sweat and their brood's snot hacked up on their clothes. Over 50 percent of the population choose to shop nude, semi-nude, or without any pants at all and did that shopping at home where the only rubbing done was the release a few moments later.
But is this new digital divide in "greed is good" shopping a new battleground of our elongating race war with side dishes of Kwanza and Police shootings? Are we now leaving the Polyester water buffalos to run through the debris of child slobber and lower grade televisions not snatched up by the first wave of sweaty 400 pounders? Are we now going to hear how unfair it is to leave the black people in the cold where they must get off their sunken cushion sofas with cheeto crumb debris and mouse droppings while the white folk tap keys while nude in the comfort of their homes? Will E-lie-jah Cummings, a former race protestor now turned a race-baiting racist, hold hearings in Congress about how Black Friday is a slur toward black people and only black people are now left to fight crowds to save half off on a chinese slave labor made television measuring more screen space than the buyer's IQ level?
And so it is that I pre-empt your shopping spree with the spin that will appear on the nightly news on the alphabet channel as a snot hacking broodette was trampled to death by her mother's friends wearing polyester stretched beyond all recognition of tensile strength showing the folds of flesh, the stains of sweat, and the texture of cottage cheese down the enormous thighs and buttocks of the wearer.
We have a new front on the race war.
And it is not pretty.