Thursday, December 8, 2016
Eight years ago Obama's minions were blaming the then-current President, El Shrubo, for the problems while eschewing soon to be King Pimple of a Man of any fault. And during the reign of King Pimple of a Man the first, it was never his fault. It was always the result of El Shrubo.
So now we have the millenials, the participation trophy generation, who have been told all their lives that they are special even when they cheat on tests and can't add and subtract without a calculator. The millenials are lucky to be able to tell an asshole from a pussy, but they do have stress - they've been told the world is ending and that it is okay to force your neighbor to pay for your needs by passing laws.
Now millenials are experiencing so much stress from the election of Donald Trump.
And the stress is hitting them in the bedroom.
Spineless weasels who are the least prepared for real life and most likely to demand to be CEO of any company on their first job, are now experiencing erectile issues as males - and the females are using Trump as an excuse to not put out instead of having to be creative or reverting to a headache.
"I haven't had sex since the election. I haven't even jerked off. All I can think about is how those polar bears are not going to have ice to float on in the oceans. I know the world is going to end since my teacher was hysterical for two weeks and issued us all a box of Kleenex so we could blubber our school time away. I used to have a girl friend who used to tell me to shave my pubes and that she wanted me to be a girl, but now she's so depressed that she told me to get lost," said Brucie J. Sniffles, High School Senior at Barack Obama High School in Vienna, Virginia.
"I just can't function. Donald Trump is going to make me pay for my birth control - I'll have to spend money that I used to spend on Starbucks to get birth control pills. And I won't get free condoms from my school because Trump is going to divert that money to building a wall to keep out those nice people from the South who just want a better life. My whole life is in turmoil. I told my boyfriend to get lost because he was a Trump supporter and wanted to wear that stupid hate "Make America Great Again" while he stuck his rape tool in my pussy," offered Ramona Mona LaDyke.
Apparently these cases are not limited. Boys and girls in middle school are no longer connecting for mutual masturbation and blow jobs. School nurses are reporting that boys are not even springing spontaneous boners in the hallways going from class to class.
"We used to have to console boys that erections are an unfortunate natural happening with males and that they should just use books to cover their crotches. Now boys are walking with their full frontal areas uninhibited by aroused junk and they no longer see a need to whine about being males. Girls are happier that boys are ignoring them and the girls do seem to be spending more time in the restrooms between classes. Boys are also concerned that they might be drafted and there is some additional angst that they can't just claim to be girls to escape the draft," noted a school nurse at an Oregon Middle School who wished to have her name withheld because she fears a Trump death squad picking her up in the middle of the night and making her read Trump tweets until she dies.
There are indications that colleges have become triage centers for distraught students who can't bear being told what is right and wrong and that they don't have a right to affordable college tuition paid for by someone else. Reports are coming in from around the nation that snowflakes are melting in hallways and on the way to and from classes at an alarming rate.
"I've lost five friends this past month," claims Brown University freshperson Wykona D'Legs. "I have several friends that can't even get out of bed. They are suffering so much depression and are just withering away from fear that when they graduate from school, that they'll be expected to get a job and to live their lives on their own money instead of demanding someone else pay for their own lives. And don't even ask about sex. I have male, female, and confused friends who can't remember the last time that they even thought about sex. Who wants to have sex these days when we all are going to be under water after the polar ice caps melt and we could be hit by someone white person driving an SUV. And to think that Donald Trump will enslave black people and make women keep their legs crossed to keep from getting pregnant. We could be living back in the Middle Ages - you know, like in the 1950's."