Thursday, January 26, 2017
Dateline: Taco City, Mexico
When we decided to interview the Mexican President, Enrique Mas, we requested that the interview to be held in a safe area of Mexico. This proved to be a daunting task because murders and beheadings are rampant across this third world nation and it would be safer to interview Enrique Mas in Chicago.
So we sprung for a two way ticket on Enchilada Airlines and met the Mexican President at O'Hairy Ass Airport and used our one hour of face time to pick the brain of a President who has lost his ability to flush his shit into America.
The Mexican President wanted to make it clear that he was not going to pay for any wall that Trump might build.
We reminded the Mexican President that once the wall is built, we will seize his citizens' assets before dumping them back into his lap.
He was not amused.
And we didn't give jack shit about it.
We reminded the Mexican President that we were not amused with his lack of concern that his two bit nation ended and ours begins at what is known to thinking people as "a fucking border". And we reminded Enrique Mas that just because he didn't want to enforce his border when his citizens escape the rat hole of Mexico, we Americans are fed up with his child molesters, anchor babies in waiting, drunk drivers, murderers, and other miscreants mixed in with the poor that Mexico intentionally flushes into America. I informed the Mexican President that no longer was America content with being used as the only working porcelain appartus in Mexico. No longer will America be content to be a free toilet for all of Mexico's problems.
And I informed the Mexican President that this coin operated replacement won't be a dime in cost.
It will be at a Yuge cost - in the billions.
Enrique Mas then went into some speel about him bleeding red as if he thought my name was Dorothy.
I informed the Mexican President that our new President didn't give a rat's ass about the plight of the poor of Mexico as long as the poor of Mexico invade our nation like a poor man's German blitztaco.
You'll notice that I'm not quoting the chief taco maker of Mexico because I honestly had a hard time understanding his translator, Barack Obama, who took time out of his golf schedule to act as the buttmunch for Enrique. I didn't tell Obama that I thought he was Enrique's butt buddy because I didn't want to have the former President stick a middle finger in my face as he is want to do when he is challenged.
Enrique was indignant that we'd dare demand that things be made in America instead of with the fine cheap ass labor of his home country. He thought President Trump was being a bully and putting America first over putting small, tanned people into jobs that Americans are too proud to take while getting paid by the taxpayers to stay on welfare, to have 12 baby daddies or to knock up 12 broodmares.
I informed that Mexican President that we are serious about solving our own problems after eight years of foreplay by Enrique's translator. I also informed that indignant taco in a suit that Trump has already saved or created more jobs in his first week than Enrique's translator did in his first year.
Enrique was furious!
I told him to sit his ass down and that we had a new Sherif in town and he best deal with the reality that he will need to solve his own problems while Trump solves his nation's problems.
And then I threatened Enrique by pointing out that it is not much more work to dump our stupid leftist swine into his land as we air drop his shit back. And I assured him that the leftist swine of our nation are skilled in fucking up a country. I reiterated that to Enrique that if he thought things were bad now, wait until Madonna takes off her top and insults Mexican men for being smaller than American ones.
Our time grew to a close, the Mexican President's translator had to make a flight to a new golf course, and Enrique had to catch his flight so that his pilot didn't take a Siesta in mid-flight.
And I went home proud to serve our new President by being blunt and honest with shit that we've had to endure for eight years.
America will be great again because we will not tolerate anything less. The Obama way is over. Time to settle for nothing but success.