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These playlists are  constantly updated and videos may be reordered as I see a better placement


Original Videos

Stompin the Roses Video

Digital Remastering of 1988 Coming Out Video

I came out as a gay man rather late in my life - in my mid to late 20's - in an era that was confronting both AIDS, tens of thousands of deaths of young men from the disease, and a still not very significant acceptance of homosexuality by society.   I was very closeted and had not told anyone of my homosexual feelings until my final years of college when I came out to a professor whom I trusted.   From that point on, my life had been in flux as I was dealing with the prospects of being gay and what that would me on my life afterwards.  

Fast forward to 1988 when I had had a revelation on St. Patrick's Day that year and had attended my first gay support group at a local Catholic Outreach center at my university.   It seems odd now that a gay and lesbian support group could be held at anything dealing with Catholics, but the group was moderated by the local priest, Father Francis, and my first exposure to the group proved to be the turning point in my gay life.   

I remember approaching the group with trepidation - I was going to be with the first real gay people that I knew and wasn't sure of even what gay people looked like!     Having managed to get the courage to attend this first meeting, I remember walking up the stairs of the porch and opening the door and looking at the people who had arrived early like me - and they were so "normal" looking!    I was so taken aback that gay people could actually look normal that I nearly turned around when I blurted out "is this the gay support group?" and Father Francis greeted me and asked me to come inside.   As the session progressed it was clear that I was much like the rest of the young men here - I wasn't swishy or effeminate and neither were they.   It was like a group of my straight friends was here and the overall feeling was quite electric.    It was the moment when I walked out that I realized and accepted I was gay.

I had decided after a few sessions that I wanted to produce a video (one of my first) about my coming out feelings and experiences and the segment you are about to see was a portion of several that dealt with various aspects of that coming out.    Overall, my experience was a very heavy and dark one where I constantly was second-guessing my sexuality and trying to hide it fearing I'd become like the only other gay guys I had know in school - really swishy, girly types of guys who lisped.

In this video below I decided to deal with segments of my coming out - (1) dealing with a fear of religious contempt - even though I wasn't church-going, many of my friends were fundamentalist Christians and I felt angst from that - even as I tried religion to cure my feelings at one point; (2) I had had a period where I was so afraid of being gay that I had gone beyond considering suicide - I was considering how to do it (3) and then there was a new found feeling of energy of looking forward to being in love with men and a budding exploration of my sexual orientation and feelings.

Since the only computer I had at that time was a Commodore 64, the graphics that I had used at the beginning were from that machine though they weren't part of the clip that I extracted below.   I had used two VCR's to make the video - one being the master source - and the other with the video in sequence - and then I used a walkman type of audio source with a jack to add music at the end.   The video that was produced by adding clips was removed from the second VCR and put back in the source player and the music was added during the rerecording of the eventual final copy - so the quality was not real clear but it was the best I could do at that time.

It was always something in the back of my mind to redo this video with better quality when I could but I didn't want to destroy the original message - as imperfect as it was, there was something about the final product that was 90% of what I had wanted and it was timed close enough to the music to be at least illuminating with the message even given the video's weaknesses.     So here it is in 2014 when I had some time to take a DVD of the original movie and to convert it in my video producing software and music from itunes and then I went after the project in earnest - there were issues with trying to match the video to the music - the timings were not the same as the original so I had to work out the differences and do some new tricks - adding a clip or two here or there where possible - slowing the video footage down where possible to work it with the audio in pace - as well as having to compensate for time lost as I used fade transitions which ate video footage and required more inserted footage not found in the original.   And even though the original movie had nearly two hours of footage, most of the footage that I had used appeared in the first 22 minutes of the movie so there wasn't much extra footage I could pull from.

And now I'll ask you to review the original video (presented first) and then to view the remastered one - please choose full-screen for this viewing - you'll see so much more that you couldn't see in the original!