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Dateline:
Ahangastan, Iran This
wasn't a good day for our Vice-Perpetrator, the Honorable Joe
Bite Me. When
Joe Bite Me sent a letter to the Iranians pleading with them to
have direct talks over the nuclear program that is meant to
toast marshmallows and not Israel, he suspected he had just
pulled off the coupe de ville of politics. It
goes without saying that the Iranians are not big on
talking. It was rumored that former Secretary of
State Hillarious Clinton was often frustrated with the Iranians
when she would slip into country dressed like a man for upper
level talks with the Assaholas that surround Iranian President
Yabadabadoo. "Every
time I mention that I wanted to talk about their nuclear
program, they'd keep insisting that they had a good hanging to
watch and we should do that first. We could watch
the commercials being played on the television that showed the
national bandage company's ability to prevent bleeding from
amputating thieves fingers with a bandsaw. I
mean, I could never get in a word about what was happening in
those deep bunkers. All they wanted to do was to count how
many twitches the dropped man made before he went
motionless. It was frightening.
One of the assaholas said they had a real winner a few months
ago as he twitched for 10 minutes and gave 666 wiggles and hand
movements before he paid his ultimate price," said Clinton. Apparently
because of Clinton's failure to get through to the Iranians, the
Vice Perpetrator was directed by his boss, President What's His
Name? to act as an embassary between our Muslim President and
theirs. So off went our little Joe Bite Me to write
the letter of his life.
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With
crayon to paper, our Little Joey wrote with all his might -
tongue sticking out as he formed the proper low hanging
consonants on the wide rule paper.
Unfortunately no one in the White House press corps took a
picture of this moment, but first hand accounts indicate that
Joey was so engrossed in his letter that he missed his lunch
despite being called to the Principal's office twice over the
intercom.
After Joey
finished his letter, he was proud to show it to the assembled
reporters and its text (though not its penmanship) is reproduced
below.
Dear Iranian Big
Man,
I am writing to
you as a direct appointee from our leader, the One and Great
Messiah, President What's His Name, and would like to request a
meeting with you to discuss all things that divide our two great
nations. (Jelly stain) I have been given the keys to Air
Force Not So Bright and can fly over to meet with
you. I hear the hangings are quite splendid this
time of year as the sun rises on your early morning routine.
Signed Joseph
"Bite Me" Biden
Apparently the
Iranians were unimpressed that such a low hanging fruit would
dare write to them in purple crayon and they issued a quick
reply.
Dear Joe
Hell
no! Burn in hell you stinkin American
pig! You will be glass in a few months as our Lord
in all his glory turns your bald head into a bowling
ball. Be gone with you!
Assahola Charmin
So Soft.
Not a good day. |
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