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Americans across the
country are being told of the dire consequences of the Federal
Government shutdown as non-essential workers (who will be paid
once the shutdown is over) are not allowed to actually work and
get IOU's like our military will be getting thanks to the Senate's
failure to act on the House's myriad of spending bills sent to the
Senate over the past week.
I'd like to outline
the consequences for shutting down the non-essential portions of
our government and the impacts that this will have on the average
American.
DECREASED
DONATIONS TO THE DEMOCRAT NATIONAL COMMITTEE FOR FORCED GOVERNMENT
WORKER UNION DUES.
Sadly, the Democrat
Party will be the most impacted constituent in this government
shutdown as the normally significant portion of government worker
dues and funds won't be filling the DNC's coffers during the
shutdown. Oh, sure - the donations will be made
up later as these funds will be confiscated from Government Union
workers once the workers are allowed back into their buildings and
resume appearing to work for their money.
But the shortage of funds will only compound the situation facing
the Democrats as their extensive campaigns to prop up King
Constipation in two elections has driven them to deficit spending
to the tune of $18 million while Republicans have actual $12
million cash on hand.
NO PANDA CAMS
This is such a
tragedy. Animal lovers from around the world who
access this cam for free will now be denied the opportunity to
watch their beloved Pandas. Some animal lovers may be
so distraught that they may commit suicide and this body count
will no doubt be reported on the nightly news in place of the
deaths in Afghanistan by our military personnel.
NATIONAL PARKS
ARE CLOSED
If you think that
you can see a monument or visit a national park today or for any
time during this shutdown, you will be very
disappointed. The non-essential workers that are still
being retained are spending considerable time (and money) putting
up barricades and sheets over our national treasures so that
you will be sure to experience misery during the
shutdown. According to an unnamed source,
any national monument that you could see from a distance like
Mount Rushmore or the Washington or Lincoln Memorials will be
covered in canvas and biodegradable (and recyclable) black plastic
to prevent you from getting a free peek during a time when so many
non-essential (and non-productive) federal workers are getting a
paid vacation.
And while most
animal rights advocates would applaud not allowing humans to
invade the natural environment of our national parks, there is
significant sadness that at Yellowstone Park, animal porn
advocates will be unable to watch Elk fornication and copulation
and be able to film it for free to later sell on Animals Gone Wild
websites. And there are even more mating
situations that could go unwatched and this could result in a high
incidence of animal porn watchers committing suicide and adding to
the body count of the great shutdown of 2013.
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IMPACT ON TOURISM
People will not be
able to see many Federal functions and won't be able to see
Congress at work or be able to access other museums and places
where carefully selected culturally diverse exhibits that skew the
real history of our nation toward the left side.
There will no doubt
be significant numbers of interviews of people on vacation crying
that they won't be able to see what they came to see and perhaps
some of these affected vacationers will commit suicide and add to
the body count to be reported by the media about this shutdown.
POST OFFICE WILL
REMAIN OPEN
Postal workers will
be highly upset that they have to work and earn money during this
shutdown instead of getting paid to stay home like other
non-essential federal workers and this might cause an increase of
"going postal" which could result in increased deaths
and suicides using the weapon of choice of the news media, the
AR-15. Make no mistake, each and every firearm
made and owned in this country is an AR-15 and the deaths from
suicide and going postal here and elsewhere will be attributed to
AR-15's and could be traced to gun-show loopholes in states like
Virginia.
MILITARY GETS
IOU's.
In addition to not
carrying weapons on bases and not being able to return fire if
attacked in Afghanistan, our military will get IOU's for their
time and will continue to have to die for President Obama's war in
Afghanistan.
CONGRESS GETS
PAID AND SO DOES BARRY.
Congress and the
Senate and King Constipation and his buttmunch, Joe Bite Me, will
all get paid during this shutdown and will no doubt also get to
have all their perks preserved since these will be considered
essential to continue the shutdown.
OBAMASCARE
STARTS TODAY
The reality of the
President's crown jewel, Obmascare, will begin to bite today as
your insurance premiums will double, you'll not be able to access
any website to see what you'll have to do to get insurance, and
you'll find out if you will be lucky enough to get a $5k
deductible in the Obamascare Deductible
Lottery! And you might be lucky enough to
pay only 25% more for 50% less coverage but you'll be able to get
a free abortion, free birth control pills, and a free breast or
scrotal fondle at the TSA security checkpoint as those workers
will also be working.
WHITE HOUSE
TOURS STILL NOT HAPPENING
Little people won't
be able to visit the house they pay for because this place was
closed to the public during the sequester and is double dare
closed in a secret double probation closing due to the
shutdown. You won't even be able to admire the
flowers as they were covered in black plastic and don't even think
about getting to look at the President's mutts (dogs and children)
as they'll also be wearing protective invisibility cloaks to
prevent you from getting to see anything other than Moochie's
shoulders and bare arms during this shutdown.
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