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Rumors are swirling
around Washington that the top Democrat and Republican
Congressional leaders and King Constipation are in a closed door
meeting without any staff to hash out a deal to resume the attack
by King Constipation against America's Achievers and to resurrect
the spawn of Satan - "Obamascare".
As an ever
vigilant reporter of all the news the media won't tell you about
Democrats (that means Pravda doesn't cover its own party in a
negative way), I'll endeavor to highlight what is really happening
inside the closed door meeting.
The room was
darkened.
The sound of chains
and whips could be overheard as the doors opened to allow
Congressional and Senate Republican leaders into the "closed
door" negotiation session that was to end the shut down that
has been imposed on America by Senator Harry Vampreid as he has
repeatedly cast aside every Continuing Resolution Bill that has
been sent to the Democrat-controlled Senate over the last week.
Against the black
backdrop and the sounds of instruments of inquisition, there was
the cackle of Nancy Pelosi as she finished with her green touchup
paint on her visage that would make Margaret Hamilton swoon from
the grave.
In the other corner
in the darkness was Senator Harry Vampreid who had his coffin
wheeled in so that he could emerge freshened from his daily
sleep. You see, this sleep allows Harry to
maintain his condescending, arrogant, yet polite manner where he
tells you to fuck yourself with the kindest insults known to
unliving man.
The doors to the
meeting room closed as the room descended into total darkness -
then with a slow rise of spot lights, King Constipation emerged on
his throne and his minions took their place licking the royal
shoes while he gazed intensely (and with profound hate) at the
cowering Republican leaders who were wetting themselves realizing
that they were the sideshow of the King and were about to be
played like fools.
The trap had been
set - the stage production was ready for prime
time. The spider was ready to play with its
food. And Witch Nancy had her additional 15 minutes of
fame after eating a Hostess cake named Toto Hoho.
To think that King
Constipation would actually negotiate.
These Republicans
were fools.
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King Constipation only
negotiates with terrorists, mooslims, Mooslim Brotherhood pawns,
syrians, libyans, and other things that go bump in the
night. And Iranian leaders dressed in sheep's
clothing that was dry humped by them first.
Soon the chains
emerged on their own from the walls and started swinging and
lashing at the cowering Republicans, and suddenly House Leader
Boner and Senate Minority Leader McDaffy found themselves bound
tightly to the walls as Witch Nancy cackled with delight and Harry
Vampreid slowly pleasured himself to a deadly release of
mortician's liquids.
The thunder of King
Constipation's voice resonated as he read from the royal
teleprompter: "So you jackasses think I'll negotiate with you
asswipes? Who the fuck do you think you are
dealing with? I am THE ONE - THE MESSIAH - I am
here to run your sorry white asses out of America and to make your
children's children pay for the crimes against all lazy folks who
fancy themselves victims of you crackas." The royal
teleprompter ran out of words and King Constipation disappeared
into darkness from wherest he came.
House Leader Boner
sobbed vigorously as he was restrained and the chains bound his
small manly goods tightly enough to approximate his three inch
measurement.
Senate
Minority Leader McDaffy was suspended from the air by hooks
and chains and twirled around as Harry Vampreid waved his still
stiffened rod and played with McDaffy in the closed session as he
does in real life.
It seemed like
hours of torment as Nancy cackled and rode her broom with her
flying monkeys somehow appearing from inside one of her face-lift
folds. And while she seemed more eager than a
witch in a broom factory, she released f-bombs as she made passes
near the restrained Republicans.
And then, just as
suddenly as the torture started and the doors had closed to
conceal the crimes against stupidity, the doors opened and out
were tossed Congressman Boner and Senator McDaffy as the duo
landed face first on the floor outside the chambers.
Both men showed significant and reeking moisture to their bulbous
crotch regions and staining upon their posteriors.
Their shirts were torn and their visages were chillingly death
mask like.
Candy Ass Crowley,
Chief Heffer for CNN News, was first on the scene as she pressed a
microphone against Boner's forehead and asked him if there were
any negotiations.
Boner replied,
"Where do you think we went? Iran?"
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