|
Drum
Roll - Here's My Take on British Invasion Week |
| Alex
& Sierra
And now we
wait for this duo to emerge on stage - which will
predominate? The lack of being able to
sing? The syrupy sweetness of their love and
goo goo eyes that they give each other? Will I
feel like knifing her to death in an out of bathroom
cinematic experience from "Psycho"?
Will I have the urge to hand Alex two balls and tell him
to just stick them in his underwear so he can at least
pretend to be a man? I really hate these
two - can I endure four or five minutes of
them? If a chick and a metrosexual psuedo-chick
are dating - is that a lesbian relationship? This
is awful - these fools are going to do a cover of one of
One Direction's songs. Egads - her voice - it is
like a sword through my intestines - these two are like a
barbie and ken doll that has been dipped in shit and
pissed on - they are standing on a bridge with a fake
watery background - and when their voices team up it is
like getting knifed from the front and behind - the song
is off tune and slow - it is horrible - my ears bleed, my
plants wilted - absolutely awful - I'd never know this was
a One Direction song - perhaps it was originally titled
"the shit that drops". Ewwwwwww
- she just gave him a look like she wanted to lick his
clit. |
| Carlito
Olivero
Horrible
the last two weeks - not a great singer on a good day and
often awful. This will be another disaster as
he's singing "I Can't Get No
Satisfaction". Oh, dear....
I think he
has a big peen. Will that matter?
No.
He came out sounding like Bambi dressed in jeans and
leather. It was another guy who is afraid to
sound like a male - he left his nuts off stage. What
is it with today's men? Are you really wanting
to be a boy all your life?
Pants worn
to his pubic hair level (if he had any) - saggy - awful
stereotypical punk look - then the leather vest had
spikes. Some black leather crap around his
neck. If I didn't know better, he was going to a gay
bar.
And then he
tried to dance - looked like a seagull coming in for a
bread crumb.
Absolutely
wretched. Sounded like a 12 year old. |
| Ellona
Santiago
Last week
this performer looked like a cheap Chinese hooker.
She was awful. Is it possible that she could
be worse - it wouldn't take much to be better.... Good
grief - she looks like a space alien tonight or a black
standard sized poodle - long black hair (weeve?) and poofy
top - that chinese face - chains and black and white. Her
voice - simultaneous heeves and visit to the toilet
inducing - what a total mess this is - this really isn't a
song as much as it is water torture - note by note -
chunky thighs - this is the type of chick you see in asian
porn with cum on her face. I hope she goes
home - I can't take anymore. Simon
called her a "dancing and singing puppet". |
| Jeff
Gutt
Don't know
what he sang - it was audio rabies.
Weak. The judges loved it - my ears bled. |
| Josh
Levi
The
benefactor of the "feel sorry for his sorry ass"
bring back vote performed "Sweet
Dreams" - he slowed it down so much that it was like
watching a dog with crap hanging out of its ass unable to
get it to drop. Then he had to ghetto up the
production with stereotypical rifts and runs and sounds -
it was horrible - he's trying to be Michael Jackson and
failing tremendously - how awful - disgusting.
And of course he had to dance. Barf. |
| Khaya
Cohen
It was like
being yelled at - "Let it Be" was more like
"let it end!" - it doesn't help she's a chick
with thick legs and a skirt. I wanted to hurl. |
| Lille
McCloud
I like her
- I hope she does well tonight... "Women's
World" - preview has her worried - performance -
dressed elegantly - white gown with sparkles though her
eye lids look kinda hooker like in their gold cheapness -
but she can sing - omg - old school - beautiful - what a
beautiful diva - I could feel the passion in this song - I
was almost tearing up. OMG you can feel her heart in
this performance. Home focking run
baby. Book it. |
| Restless
Road
Egads.
These guys are going to do a "coldplay" song -
one of the least talented acts in history - and if
Restless Road brings any harmony to this performance, this
will be the first time any Coldplay song has had harmony
in it. I remember during a grammy's award show
a couple years ago when the Beach Boys came back together
to sing one song and they were amazing.
Then Coldplay came on next - they were so awful in
comparison that they should never record anything again or
ask for money for any performance....
First
minute of the performance was horrible - then they pulled
it together - not half bad. Safe but not a
homerun - it is like a pass ball. But
considering the act that performed it, they didn't do any
worse. |
| Rion
Paige
Flipper is
singing "Your Song" by Elton John - this might
not be pretty.
Egads - she
is dressed like a hippie - leather vest, flowers
everywhere - lots and lots of fake flowers - she's wearing
a crown of something that shines.
The singing
is awful - sluggish - pitchy - she sounds like a 10 year
old - looks like a scene from that awful movie that Tom
Cruise did in the 90's - "Legend" - I keep
expecting some creature to enter the stage - would it be
that it would eat her and end our audio misery. |
| Tim
Olstad
Went with a
piano and sang an Elton John song. It
was okay. Some pitch problems. Not
as offensive as last week with the zombie chick in
physical contortions distracting us. |
| Overall
Analysis
At this
stage the pitch problems should start to go away but they
are really hitting these performers. There are
performers that deserve to go and hopefully they'll be
exercised before next week's Exorcist Payback episode. |
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