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PRODUCT
REVIEW
I have eschewed
eating at Hardee's (Carl's Jr Rebadged) for
years. Having worked in this industry for two
decades before I turned 40, I have not much respect for Hardee's,
their food, or their employees (could possibly be the dumbest and
laziest mouth breathers in the industry).
So I had to be
bribed to eat at Hardee's today.
I received an email
from a frugal living site that said Hardee's/Carls Jr had buy one,
get one free for their thick burger with their new made-in-house
bun.
I figured that
since I wouldn't pay full price to eat something that might make
me puke, maybe I could spend the bucks to get two burgers with the
second one on them.
To make matters
worse, I was buying this product after 8 p.m. on a Monday - one of
the slowest times in the business. I was really taking
my life in my own hands!
Of course when I
arrived at one of the better Hardee's in the area (sorta like a
big munchkin), the lot was empty and as I gazed inside, the
employees and the manager were all in the dining room standing
around chatting.
Oh,
joy. I nearly fled.
But I had that
coupon and my cheapskate appetite had been wetted and I had
actually talked my stomach into not fearing what was about to be
dumped inside it.
Once inside the
building, at least the employees and managers noticed that
intelligent life had entered the building and they moved to serve
me. As I've noticed at Wendy's, the employees don't
give a flying monkey's ass and I'd be standing at the counter for
15 minutes until the law of averages had them look my way.
I ordered my two
burgers, sans the mayo (the only creamy warm stuff I like is
served directly from the peen).
I was at least
impressed that I hadn't been given two burgers that had been
sitting around in the backroom for several hours and they must
have made my burgers fresh. Or they could have conned
me into thinking that. But I waited for five minutes
and then Jethro flings the burgers into the bin with a nice spin
of the wrist.
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The manager bagged my
two burgers and smiled and said have a nice
evening. I was so not at a
Wendy's. Those fools want you to tell them to
have a nice day (while you think you wish they'd drop dead).
I arrived home,
petted my pussy, and then proceeded to take a bite out of this
culinary mass distraction.
The patty was
indeed thicker than the usual shoe leather sliver of meat you find
elsewhere, but the odd thing was this wasn't juicy. It
was like eating an almost warm piece of styrofoam painted to look
like a burger. It was chewy. Almost like
getting something from a Mohel.
The rest of the
condiments were almost like Wendy's with real tomatoes that
covered the bun, real onions, and real lettuce that hadn't been
through a shredder. I was almost impressed.
Unfortunately the
whole thing was just dry as hell - there was ketchup but it was
chewy and blah. I would not have known these
burgers were "flame-broiled" until I read the bag while
eating it. I couldn't tell there was any additional
flavor that you couldn't find on a Mickey D's burger that is fried
on a hot grill.
Supposedly the buns
are now made fresh in the store. I don't know when my
bun was made, but it was nothing special - better than that shit
that Wendy's passes off as buns these days, but really - nothing
truly special at all.
Did I mention that
this 1/3rd pound burger cost over $4? That made
the burger tough to swallow from the outset and I was thankful
that I had a buy one, get one coupon so I was only out $4 plus 11%
prepared meals tax.
Overall, the
burgers were superior to Wendy's (which has gone down the shitter
faster than runny shit), but these weren't really all that
special. Considering how awful Hardee's used to be, at
least this was almost good.
Would I buy this
again? Not ever. Not at full price at
least. But I'd buy it where I could get two for
$4. That is about the right price right there for what
I got.
Now I wonder if
I'll be tasting this again several hours from
now. I suppose then I would be getting two
burgers for the price of one and then getting double the chance to
taste it.
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