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These playlists are  constantly updated and videos may be reordered as I see a better placement

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Thunderview News - thunderview.blogspot.com
 

I Watch & Report To Protect Your Hearing
If you want to download any of these songs on iTunes, seek professional help.


Alex Preston
Started the night off.   Ghastly attire - jeans stolen off some chick rolled up to his calves - plaid shirt and some  ghastly  yellow and black thing there could be his guitar strap? - and that voice - I contemplate this is what it sounds like when you have your fingernails removed one by one with pliers.   Weird facial contortions.    The horrifying thought at this point is that this might not be the worst act tonight.   Judges weren't salivating over this so that should give you an idea of the lack of quality here.   Normally I watch these acts on youtube so hearing them live is even more frightful.... and painful.

Majesty Rose
She was second - her hair was even more ghastly - looked like dirty cotton candy rolled in pig shit - sounded like Whitney Houston after she ended up underwater in her last bath.    She is really devoid of much meat on her bones so when she tried to act like a slut like Beyondsense, it was really funny.  Her shoes were nearly klingon like without the spikes.   At least her handkerchief and lipstick color matched - JayHoe Red.    Was the performance remarkable?   This was only a two car train wreck. 

Dexter Roberts
Third up was Dexter.   He is just awkward though his jeans suggest heavy padding or an extra dose of length.   Fewer facial awkward moments.   Surprisingly less awful than the others - almost good.   After picking myself off the floor from shock, I heard the talentless Harry Conartist nitpicking - I don't know why that clown is on as a judge - for once we had someone string notes together with some skill.   Oh well.   I can't diss Dexter for actually trying.   If there is a big peen under there, what a shame.   I'd have him keep his clothes on.

Malaya Watson
Fourth up - a long and arrogant road - more ghastly hair - looked like seaweed was plopped on her head - she had the fluidity of motion like a boner with arms attached to it - very robotic - she is supposedly 16 but she looked like Wanda from "In Living Color" as she was made up - she screamed - she shrieked - she elevated her voice - but it was an unremarkable high school musical performance.    If you heard this on your radio,  you'd have a traffic accident.   She fancies herself as a star in her intro.   Dog star and dog barking.   The good news was the noise was only several minutes long in experience.   Another commonality with an erection.

Sam Woolf
Sam is the fifth to perform - good grief - awful - how can someone who is 17 be so dead?   Very mediocre performer.   He is obviously trading on his chicken factor.  One good thing for him is that next year when he's looking for a career he can do gay for pay porn.   The camera just panned over to JayHoe - she was rocking and no doubt using a vibrator because we all know she is a cougar and she can't wait to get her claws into his ass cheeks.    He does have nice green eyes.   Harry Conartist applauded the song that was "stripped down" and JayHoe really perked up on the "stripped down".

Jessica Meuse
She was sixth and the preview of her showed her brother who was hot, hot, hot.   If she must linger around so that we can get more of him, I'd vote for her.   Her performance was like a person who does 80's music for a career and thinks she's trapped there.   Her hair was styled by Beet Juice and associates.    In this season of American Idol it is high praise to say she didn't cause ear damage.   She wasn't great, but she didn't sound like childbirth either.    Just remember to vote for her so that we can see more of her brother.  

C.J. Harris
Seventh up - he should take his hat off so he can get some donations.   Still looks like Aunt Ester at times - keep waiting for him to say "watch it sucka" and "you fish-eyed fool!"   As for the performance, well, Charlie Pride he is not.   He looks like a fat Pharrett.    Is it a compliment to say he didn't bring up the rear on this night's performances even if he was near the end of the show?    One thing is obvious tonight, the honest and credible judge is Keith Urban.   And the other two judges are the backend of the cow.

Caleb Johnson
Eighth up - oh joy - a trash rocker - yell and scream - takes no talent to do this at all - impersonating some drug induced rocker is not a good thing - looks like Meatloaf - absolutely hated this performance because I hate that style of noise being passed off as something called music.   If this were "Hell Idol" he should win.   But only the stoned could love this shit.   JayHoe was eating up this shit.   Harry Conartist was eating up this shit.   I rest my case.

Jena Irene
And the true backend of the cow is on.... think of Fran Drescher meets Cher and you can just appreciate the vomit inducing nature of the mixture - you'd be inclined to sue for peace and quiet - omg - I think I'm going to barf - absolutely stomach churningly bad - its hillarious - trying to be a rocker looking like she does - and that sound - imagine the sound you'd make being slowly run over by an 18 wheeler and you have a clue to the horror  your ears feel listening to her.   And then you look at her and your eyes want to sue your ass.

1 comment:

  1. Don't hold back, UV, give your opinion, lol. I laughed my butt off reading the constructive critiques. I find Sam Woolf's voice soothing! I liked Jena's performance too. Thanks for the laughs.

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