Ultraviolet Thunderpussy's View: Commentary, Vintage Male Photos, Videos.

Down to the final six.   Load the pistols and fire! I was asked why I endure this since it was obvious I'm not enjoying what I hear. Well, this is comedy to me.    And I'm honest whereas the judges are blowing smoke. Jena Irene Drop Dead Horrific. It was shrieky - it was off key - it wasn't good, but the judges ate it up.  BTW - What part of her face is not fake?   Absolutely ghastly. There is one positive for her - if she lives to be older than 60 then her face will be ready to star as a witch - who knows - she could reprise Margaret Hamilton in a remake of the "Wizard of Oz".    Whether she melts or has a house dropped on her, there is always hope.   Bite it, witch! Her second song was also a Carrie Underwood song - like Caleb - and poor Carrie - after having been covered in pig semen, she gets shrieked at by Fran Drescher turned wicked witch. Imagine Jersey Shore and the Kardashians mixed together in this version - overpowering and irritating on all levels.   The price your eyes pay looking at her is equaled by your ears when they plead for the fifth.   It is evident that the way she holds the mike that those red lips have wrapped around a peen or two in her 17 years of life.  Sam Woolf He's Stiff He's 18. I'm there. Sam has one advantage - unlike the others, he is not freaky.   The others are just not normal.  They all carry the baggage of weird.   Sam is straight up and normal. The performance was one of his best though flat sometimes -he was more animated than before and he is continuing to improve.  I said last week that Sam was the horse that was last to leave the gate, but he improves with each lap.   He will not be the worst tonight and that should scare the Bejeezuz out of the others who have been pampered and have had their hands held all throughout this - Sam has been lambasted and picked on by the judges and he has withstood.    His second song sank him - he chose "Still the one" by Shania Twain and it over powered him - he was a flat mouse - it wasn't good - he moved away from the microphone and picked up a little but his only hope is that the desire to get in his pants trumps hearing.    Lucky for Sam that C.J. was the worst on both songs.    Lame acts like C.J. usually go home and no one wants to get in his pants. C. J. Harris Dullard No Humpus American Woman.   Gots those Aunt Ester facial attributes - Watch It Sucka - has the charisma of a barnacle - animated like a cinder block wall - not the worst singer, but there is the problem - he is a singer - not a performer - he has not improved at all - the same flat and uninspiring clod since the start.   He is running out of opportunities Watching his first performance caused me to think about sex - and how he must be like a corpse in bed.   No personality and no intensity.   Like a living dildo. Second song was by Zac Brown Band - more of the lifelessness that is his trademark.   He will be gone - there is nothing to him - he has no intensity - he is like a blind singer on a sidewalk -  you feel for him, but it is what it is and it ain't ready for the radio.    The handwriting is on the wall - this clown is gonzo tomorrow night. Alex Preston Priscilla Prancing Queen Poor Alex - he turns me off so much I'd hump Oprah before him if I were desperate.   Thankfully I am not. There is nothing about him I like - he dresses like a chick, acts like a chick, makes funny faces when he sings, and is all around unremarkable.  Dude - man up.   You are not even in the class of Adam Lambert who actually had talent and who could gender bend with class. As for singing ability, you could put a cotton swab up to a microphone and then have Alex go up the microphone and the cotton swab would sound better.   His voice is like "Psycho" in the form of a song.    OMG - is he awful tonight - that voice - stab - stab - blood gushing from my ears - send this puke back to high school where he can prance like a show horse on stage.  He asked what I was waiting for.... "for you to focking stop singing!"   Will there be enough lesbians to vote to save him this week?   Even Keith and JayHoe weren't slobbering over this.  I'm not sure what Harry ConArtist was saying.   I don't think he knows either. "You were always on my mind" - imagine what a wimpy and metrosexual version would sound like (mix in puppies, kittens, maple syrup, a 10 pound bag of sugar, and moonbeams) and you have something that was even worse than Caleb - off tune - horrible guitar play - and a bit of Slim Whitman mixed in to piss off the Martians.     Turned a sad song into a "Happy Happy Joy Joy" moment. Caleb Johnson Meat Loaf Ginormous Big and nasty - not a new Sammich from Hardees and Carl's Jr.   It's greasy boy - the gravitationally challenged hippie rocker that is bound to be in the final - a place he secured long ago since he consistently PERFORMS - not really able to sing - but lard ass has presence on the stage - gotta give him props - he knows he's the top shit this year and the biggest dog pile in the yard.   This whole thing is his to lose. Surprise - he went back to rockin - looks like he wants to mate with some sow.   He has all the right moves for mud sex.  Once again, is all performer and can't sing.   He's in a zone few American Idol contestants have been in - but this will make it more delicious when he loses.   But that genre doesn't require you master singing - yelling is where it is at and even Satan is tapping his toe and pointing to Adolf Hilter - "That's my boy up there!" Get ready - Caleb is going to do Carrie Underwood - bad porn?  great horror movie?   You be the judge!   Absolutely vomit inducing - proof he cannot sing - he's all about yelling - he's all about overpowering something - while Sam was squashed by his song, Caleb crushed poor Carrie - she's now just an inflatable sex dollar dripping with pig slobber.   This was gross - nauseating - like Charles Manson being a flower delivery boy.    One of the worst moments on American Idol I've ever heard and seen.    If you've ever barfed and had to shit at the same time, that is what this performance was like.   This was a "Rocky Horror Picture Show" version of the song.   It was beyond awful. Jessica Meuse Beetus Cuntus Shriekus Beetjuice Hilda.    The imposter rocker - the reincarnated rocker impersonator.   Good gracious - the yelling - shrieking - this is a performance  you'd expect from K-Tel records (google it Millenials) - act now and get her entire 10 record collection for only $9.95 - add $12.95 for shipping and handling. There is nothing here, folks - just beet juice hair and a vajayjay - she can't sing - she can't perform - Harry ConArtist likes it - I think that pretty much sums it up right there.    My ears hurt after that.    Once upon a time a Chevrolet Chevette was acceptable transportation.    Once upon a time Jessica could have been.  We've grown older and wiser and know that both are pieces of shit and deserve to be sent packing.    Judges are working hard to get her into the finals.   But are there enough deaf voters to make it happen?  The last performance of the night was the 80's retread rocker - not so lady beetjuice - she is singing Dolly Parton - rocker trying to do something that isn't rock doesn't end well - it was dreary and rushed - imagine a pure country song turned into a rock song and you have another moment of outrageous contempt.     Her time will come and that will keep me watching!