|
Taking
One For The Team
At
least car wrecks have blood - wait, what is that flowing
out of my ears? |
Jessica
Meuse |
First
up....Looks like a bloody tampax and screams - okay -
she's a rocker who thinks she's Pat Benatar.
She has limited talent and screams and
screams. Noise is not music and she
seemed like her feet were glued to the floor - she was
inanimate and robotic. I was
reinforced with my observations that Keith Urban noticed
that she didn't move at all. JayHoe was
loving it (and JayHoe was wretched looking - almost
mortician makeup look to give her skin
color). And Harry Conartist had nothing to
offer and gives worthless feedback.
She does
a duo with Meatloaf - he is dreadful looking - she is
obviously stuck in the 1980's as a rocker - this whole
act was like going back and living the worst of the
1980's - fat ugly men with long hair and frigid chicks
with weird hair colors. The only good part
of this duo was they blended well. It wasn't
good, but it was better than the previous duo. |
C.J.
Harris |
Second
up is Aunt Ester - er, Phat Pharrett - absolutely no
energy - sluggish - and a very weak voice - unremarkable
- the type of voice you would expect to hear in
some honky tonk. Definitely not recording
artist material.
Did a duo
with Dexter and played second fiddle.
|
Sam Woolf |
Up
third. Tonight has been one of the worst
talent shows I've seen ever. Don't know what
the fock a "Lego House" is other than plastic
blocks. Finally this guy starts to show
something - was definitely the best of the acts so far -
not fantastic, but in the competition this year you just
have to be good enough and he finally hit that
level. This kid is the dark horse - he could
win coming from behind. |
Malaya
Watson |
Fourth
up - I absolutely cannot stand this bitch - she is
arrogant and foolish - I cannot stand any of her facial
expressions and mannerisms - if she crossed the road in
front of me I would pull over and let the car behind me
run her over. No point in getting her face
on my car. What a dumpy look - that awful
hair -those putrid glasses - and she wore shoes that
made her look like she was wearing brussel sprouts on
her feet. She didn't suck, but this was
nothing but a high school musical selection screamed and
screamed. Now she has legs and their
movements that were like Aunt Ester. It was
like watching the top half of a 16 year old married to
an 80 year old woman's body.
Malaya
was teamed up with Sam for a duet - he was really good -
she wasn't - she was awkward and vomit inducing with her
cockerspaniel looks. The duet was not
particularly remarkable though better than the first
duet which was absolutely suicide inducingly bad.
|
Dexter
Roberts |
Up
fifth - another one I can't stand watching - irritating
facial expressions and he thinks much about himself and
shows it. Wasn't half bad - better than most
tonight and was like Sam where he wasn't screaming like
the chicks did tonight. If you didn't watch
him you'd think he was even better. Way
better than Phat Pharrett.
Dexter
and Phat Pharrett did a duo - Pharrett is weak in his
voice and was outshined by Dexter by a mile.
|
Jena
Irene |
She
had a duo with Alex - She's horrible - and he's even
worse - where is the damned talent in this year's
show? This is like listening to two
people having their skin erased with a belt
sander. Off key - pitchy. I'd
pay them to shut the fock up. He holds the
microphone like he's gonna suck peen.
Sixth
presentation of the night - oh how I'm not looking
forward to her - another performer whom I can't
stand. She looks like a trashy New Jersey
chick - low rent looks with champagne
tastes. Came out dressed like a low rent
hooker singing Adelle. Don't know what boots
she was wearing but it looked like she clubbed and
killed a bear to get them. What a weak
performance this was - unremarkable version of a song
that is supposed to have some power to it -
unfortunately for her she has no hope of a career even
in porn other than getting jizzed on her face.
|
Caleb
Johnson |
Obese
ugly long haired rocker did a duo with Beet Juice
hair. It wasn't particularly good but being
better than sucky is a high note for tonight.
Seventh
up comes the increasingly disgusting Caleb.
It is one thing to be an obese man with long hair but it
is not charming to look like you have no personal
grooming and hygiene training.
Disgusting performance. I'm no fan of his
and don't care how much he yells and wants to be a
rocker - I'd never buy any of his
shit. He is devolving into a
disgusting person. In a couple of years
he'll be four hundred pounds and won't be able to get
out of bed.
|
Alex
Preston |
Did
a duet with Jena and it didn't even rise to being awful.
This is
the Lyle Lovett kind of performer - awkward and out in
left field. Definitely not someone I'd watch
on youtube - voice is best separated from the
visage. Far better than that awful
duet he did with New Jersey hooker earlier.
His best performance if you just listened to him.
|
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