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These playlists are  constantly updated and videos may be reordered as I see a better placement

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Thunderview News - thunderview.blogspot.com

Four Sing - Only One Has Game
The finals show will just be a formality - Big and Greasy will win.


Caleb Johnson

Big and Greasy
You give love a bad name so sings big and greasy as he opens the show peering through his mane of hair with the visage of a child of Satan.   Once again there is no dispute that Big and Greasy is the showman of the bunch as he yells and shrieks - he's got game if not vocal excellence.   The problem here is that if you've heard him yell a song once, you've heard everything he has to offer. 

Second song was another yelled performance "Travelin Band".   It must really suck being the other three worthless contestants - Big and Greasy may not be able to sing, but he is one hell of a performer.   He consumes all the energy in the room and then projects it back as a Greasy Beam weapon.    I'm serious - there is no competition this year - you will have a third rate singer like B&G win because he is the only one who has a focking clue how to perform on stage.

Big and Greasy tackles Paul McCartney's "Baby I'm Amazed" with a near normal performance and actually dressed up by putting on a suit jacket - but then he goes into screaming.   Vocally not amazing but in this competition just not sucking will win it.   I wouldn't buy any of his shit but there is no doubt in a room full of corpses, he has a pulse and in 2014 that is all it will take to win American Idol.


Jessica Meuse

Beetus
Cuntus
Corpus
Shriekus
Since you've been gone by the former American Idol winner, robust Kelly Clarkson, is tackled by Jessica as she sports her beet juice hairdo in her typical 1980's has been rocker voice - particularly weak and irritatingly off key - good gracious this is ear punishingly awful.    While Big and Greasy looked like a demon peering through his greasy hair, Beetus Cuntus looked her 40 somethingness in a stunningly bad performance.    Early indications point to her departure after that as the judges were searching to find something positive to say about the first of three songs.

"So What" is her second song and I think that sums up her tenure on American Idol.   Seriously, why is she here - another unremarkable vocal performance.   She couldn't command a dozen plastic toy soldiers because they would have more energy than she shows.   There is no vocal projection - its like she has one note with a variation up and down.    Two dud performances and she could be gone.   The problem is the other two contestants suck just as much as she does.   The judges were once again digging for something positive to say about that trainwreck.

"You and I" by Lady Gag Gag - Less irritating than the other two awful songs she had.   Interestingly she is not a rocker type of singer even though she fancies herself as one - she is better being a country artist where she can take time to sing without having to yell - but just as I say that she starts screaming and yelling and ruins the song.    What a mess!


Alex Preston

Prince
Prancing

Too close left the lips of the American Idol prancer.   There is just nothing there with his performances - dull and awkward - another one of the singers who has one gimmick and you have already heard all he is capable of.    At this rate it might just be Big and Greasy by himself in the finals because Prancer is awful - everything about him is worthless and nothing.  Considering that the original version was a great song, his version was amateur and high school like - I suspect he "deconstructs" the songs because he doesn't have the talent to do them normally.

"I'm Yours" was a horrific prancy, metrosexual, wimpy, gonad-less performance - it was gutless - everything that I loathe in this bastard he did - he is literally Tiny Tim from the 1960's with short hair, ruby slippers, and no testicles.   As things are going tonight, he could be in the finals - what a contrast between Big and Greasy and Wussy and Pussy.

Third song was "Yellow" by Coldplay - more of the disgusting metrosexual wimpy prancing tone.   Prancing like a focking horse - his best vocal of the night even if it was irritating as hell - lucky for him I loathe Coldplay and find them untalented in live performances (I remember in a Grammy's Award show where the Beach Boys came together and performed before them and Coldplay was off key and apparently a product of post production on their songs).

As to Alex's performance - the best dog pile of the night but it was just a night of dog piles by three contestants all over.

Watch your step.


Jena Irene

Danger!
Watching her will induce blindness.

Listening to her will make you deaf.

Voting for her means you are also stupid.

She tackles "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar - and it was awful - there is something about these young people who have no clue about the 1980's and the music - there is no life - no passion in this - she's going through the motions singing the words and there is nothing there - flat and certainly not interesting.   She honestly wouldn't have made the top 12 in years where American Idol was strong - that statement applies to all of these awful acts.   They mistake screaming for raising your volume - it was horrific.

"Bad Romance" by Lady Gag Gag was her second choice.    She got on the floor like a dead common who-ah then arose to her feet looking like a slut and sounding like a junkyard dog being crushed by a 1999 Chevrolet Monte Carlo.   It was flat, off key, low energy, mishmash of stuff - she walked from pedestal to pedestal with not a hint of ambition - she yelled and screamed - she acted like she was Cher but looked like Cher's tampax.

Third act of a three act disaster was a song by Elvis "Can't Help Falling In Love" - ghastly outfit - the Cher look with a radioactive pink suit on it with a hair style that looked like she stole it from Cher.   The song was slow with some apparent talent - though she then started screaming and then back to plodding and slow.   I absolutely loathe this chick - there is nothing about her I find talented - she is a pretender and a gimmick - but that last song saved her.

Overall, this night was as I expected - Caleb overpowered the other three weak performers.   This bunch doesn't have a voice for radio (though I bet with post production some could be altered like is all the rage these days).     Caleb has the stage presence that would make him a live performer on tour a treat, but he doesn't have the vocals to do much.   His genre of songs basically only needs grunts and yells so he should be fine.

The other three are gutless and untalented.   Several had what I call "stopped clock moments" where they backed into a better performance than they've given, but all three are inconsistent in presentations and consistently bad vocally.   

In the end, Jena may pull out the also ran slot in the Finals were she will be slaughtered by Caleb.   Jessica is awful all of the time and that chick Alex has no place on this stage.   He is a pretentious wimp who thinks that he has the skills and knowledge to rearrange great songs and make them stinking dog piles of nothing with a plodding presentation accentuated with lifting his legs in place like he is some prancing horse.

1 comment:

  1. Done for the season, I'll just read your reviews. None of these deserve to win. Wasted season.

    ReplyDelete