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Dateline:
Washington, DC
After
the landslide victory over Hillary Clinton in last November's
election, President Rick Perry has set out to explain his actions
this week reversing each and every Executive Decree and arbitrary
policy change enacted without legislative authority.
"Today
we return America back to Americans and remove the tyranny out of
the Reign of Terror that was the eight years of insidious rule by
Democrats and their President Barack Hussein Obama," noted
Perry as he detailed sweeping changes just as his predecessor did
without legal authority.
"Gone
are all the exemptions of companies and individuals and labor
unions from Obamacare. Gone are all of the
Congressional exemptions now putting their staff in the crosshairs
of the punitive government intrusion in their
healthcare. Gone are all of the arbitrary and
capricious actions by the EPA regulating gases they had no
congressional authority so to do. Gone are the
arbitrary redefinitions of marriage which institutionalize sin in
our lives," Perry extolled as his face turned red and his
energy remained at a feverish pace.
"Today
marks the end of the bastardization of America. From
the reduction of the minimum wage, the reinstitution of work for
welfare to limiting welfare mothers to only two children or else
they lose their benefits, this country is going to take it to
those who mooch off the achievers. We are going to
give the Washington Redskins back their trademark and to hell with
those jackasses who are offended - they have no right to live
offense free and by damned we are going to rub their noses in
their out of joint noses!"
President
Perry was speaking outside of the Lincoln Memorial as over 250,000
proud Americans showed their American pride by stepping on their
Obama signs and covered themselves in American flags.
Out of
sight and likely fearing for their lives were the few remaining
Congressional Democrats who survived the 2014 and 2016 elections
where the price of the Obama rule had thinned Democrat ranks to
near extinct levels.
According
to one Democrat who wished to continue to hide under his desk,
"We really took it for the Fibber. He continued
to lie and to deceive and when the shit hit the fan with the IRS
scandal and the resulting flood of people coming out to avoid
prosecution in the other six or seven investigations, the
President managed to escape impeachment because the Republicans
wanted more than just his ass - they wanted ours! And
they got most of us!"
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Across
the nation the Republican wave preceded by a royal butt whooping
administered by Tea Party backed candidates in the Congressional
elections, President Perry's victory rivaled the ass kicking that
Walter Mondull and Tank Driver Dukakis received by Ronaldus Magnus
Reagan in the 1980's.
Over
at the major broadcast outlets of ABC, NBC, and CBS and most
especially at MSNBC there were mass suicides as Obama era
sycophants and ass kissers took their lives to save themselves
from being ridiculed and convicted of treason by the massive
conservative swing across the nation.
One of
the few Democrats to survive, Roachzilla Nancy Pelosi, was seen
looking particularly haggard now having to share a broom closet
with her own broom as conservatives subdivided Democrat offices
into eight offices so that the Democrats could feel the pain of
the last eight years that America felt.
President
Perry did not limit his actions to just domestic
ones. He issued standing orders to shoot to kill
on anyone daring to cross our borders without permission -
"we'll shoot first and ask for their papers later," he
retorted.
"We
are going to inform the rest of the world to take care of their
own damned selves and we are bringing all our military men and
women home - let the jackasses across the globe deal with the
terrorists and chinese - we are done being their police
officer. No more American lives will be shed to give
ungrateful people the liberty we love here in America," Perry
noted as Ron Paul had his first orgasm in half a century.
On the
domestic front Perry noted, "We are going to chase down those
immature men who impregnate women and leave them having to take
care of their broods on our taxpayers' dime. We will
bleed those bastards dry until they give up having irresponsible
sex. It is time that these jerks work off their debt
to their families and there will be a zero tolerance approach
toward coddling irresponsible young men who do their deed and run
away. We are also going to get our government
out of marriage - marriage is a religious activity and no longer
will there be any marriages recognized across this
land. If you want to be bound legally together -
regardless of your sexual choice - you will have to get a domestic
partnership and that will be the only acceptable civil
union. Period."
Asked
about Obamacare, Perry responded, "Dead on arrival - Congess
will remove that piece of excrement from our books and we will
return the power of the people to buy their own insurance on their
own and let those who are innocent and have no pre-existing
conditions live without paying for those who have them!"
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