Thanksgiving is now a celebration of gluttony and racial insensitivity.
But has anything really changed from how Thanksgiving came to be?
We know the narrative of the evil that has been brought to this continent by European White people. Disease, slavery, and abuse of mother earth are concepts that never existed on these shores until those Christian White People decided to steal land that was never theirs. While it is laudable that these people braved weeks of ocean travel facing rats, disease, and waves (not to mention monster sea creatures) to seek a land that would offer them freedom, they brought with them the concepts of enslaving black people and first squatters.
And to celebrate all of this negative karma, these white people give us "Thanksgiving".
The nerve of those people.
What do we have to be thankful for? Those first squatters who came from somewhere other than this continent had exclusive and perpetual rights to victimhood and ownership by virtue of them being the first successful two legged breeders to set forth on this soil. They didn't kill each other to claim this land. These people were the saviors of the earth - taking only what they needed and not seeking to build oil pipelines across the land. These nearly nude first squatters respected women's rights - they afforded women clothing made from animal skins and didn't force the women to stay barefoot and pregnant - first squatters fashioned sandals and moccasins for the women to wear while they tended womanly duties handed down by Mother Earth, not by their husbands or evil white man laws. And women controlled their bodies by pushing off males that wanted to mate and when a fetus would become still born, Mother Earth also controlled reproductive rights - a woman was in charge. Not some stank fat white man with hair on his back and a penis erect enough to poke out of a roll of flab or two.
First squatters carefully only killed animals for food and clothing which explains why the Buffalo was so well treated on the plains. Not only did the first squatters carefully respect the land and its mammalian inhabitants, they also carefully cultivated useful crops like corn and tobacco. We do have to remember that it was the evil white man who turned tobacco into cigarettes. First squatters just grew tobacco because it was cool to look at and provided shade for snakes to live in the hot southern north american summers.
While the first squatters were a collection of different tribes and wore different feathers and clothing and had different gods to worship, they were most respectful amongst each other and sometimes allowed warring tribes to survive instead of being footnotes to genocides we shan't discuss. And some first squatters had red skins and others were more brown skinned and some had chiefs and structures where some first squatters were better off and were the one percenters of their day. But we shan't go there for the narrative of the pure and wonderful first squatter is one where we relish in their quaint poverty and near nudity. After all, when we can exploit first squatters, we need not use the best off of their clans - we must exploit the poor, the children, and the women. We can be sure that first squatter men were the best that men will ever be, but we have to be reminded that even first squatter men achieved an erection and wanted a place to put it. That's why women are superior.
Over in the land of the black plague, wars of conquest, Crusades against innocent mooslims who hadn't yet fathomed a notion to push gay people off the tallest building in the land, there were white people who hadn't even thought that a black life mattered. There were Kings and Queens -queens who were truly women and not men who fancied themselves as one - there were people who exploited other white people for profit and who owned black people as slaves. These are the world's most evil people - born without pigment and without real athletic skill having the audacity to keep people who had darker skin than them down and out. They clung to a God who was nailed to a cross and said to have risen again. This was truly disturbing since that God was not Mother Earth but rather a Christian Motha Focka.
Yet all was not well in the land of the White People - they constantly fought and killed their enemies - sometimes they torched them at the stake - sometimes they beheaded them before it was fashionable to do so in the Mooslim world -sometimes the white people hanged or drew and quartered the white people who weren't white enough. And the white men treated their women so poorly that this is where the war on women originated. You do need to ignore that some women became Queens and ruled their kingdoms. Those were just mistakes. The rest of the women in the lands had to spread their legs for nasty white men with furry backs and butt cracks and who lasted fifteen seconds before their duty was done and they fell asleep on top of the unfortunate female.
With White People doing the hating - as we know that is all they do - hate - hate - hated it - some White People fled into tiny wooden boats (which raped Mother Earth in the process of having trees cut down) and decided they wanted to rape new lands and to defile and to enslave whomever they came across and they brought with them their God conveniently nailed to a cross - which made this religion so portable and wonderful to behold. After weeks of sea sickness and having to consume rats when all food stores had spoiled or been consumed, these White People along with their property of black lives matter future banner holders, finally arrived on a new land just like the First Squatters had done - this time by sea while the First Squatters used a land bridge from the West to set foot on this soil. But by virtue of squatting on this land first, these first squatters had anchor babies and thus were the rightful and perpetual owners of this land and anyone who thought they could fight for rights of ownership were fools.
November in New England is a wonderful place to be - leaves turning color, wonderful displays of pumpkins and corn stalks, and a sense that a holiday needed to be created that tied all of these things with a sense of being thankful for things - even if you are a woman underneath a furry man or a black lives matters future banner holder who felt exploited by being forced to cross the ocean with stank white men and rats. And those poor first squatters - barely more developed than a loin cloth and some deer skin coats with tassels, these poor souls treated the pigment free invaders with a harvest that would soon be the celebration of all celebrations where gluttony and tossing pigskins would soon rule the land. It should be noted that the first squatters did not ask the pigment free people what their religion was or ask the pigment free people for their papers to prove that they were legally allowed to be here. No, the first squatters were just the nicest people this side of Walton's mountain and welcomed the mushroom whities with open arms.
This was the high point in multicultural awareness and celebration. The first squatters gave the whities corn and deer and turkey and sweet potatoes and the evil white people returned the favor by giving the first squatters the flu, venereal diseases, and other wonderful contagions and then introduced the concept of war onto a set of people who spent their lives singing around campfires and singing old negro spirituals before they were old negro spirituals. Yes, the white man by virtue of setting his grubby feet, hairy backs and buttocks onto this land while carrying their portable religious device known as Christ on a cross had become a contagion of epic proportions. White people brought the concept of property rights and law and set forth to build townships where they could burn witches, lynch black lives matter banner holders, and white people who believed in independence from the King or Queen of the day.
And now hundreds of years later we are destined to celebrate all of these flaws of white privilege while not thinking about inviting someone from the south who entered this country out of opportunity rather than of the law or while not inviting a wonderful Syrian family of one man of about twenty years of age who has left an orphan and old people at home to become raped and killed by wonderful mooslims with beards, black apparel not by Fubu and who have a carefully rehearsed way of separating heads from bodies of people who won't convert to their religion. You see, in our country these days, the real bad people are the ones who fear for their lives and who expect refugees to actually be refugees and not agents of evil doers.
But remember, the pilgrims are the original evil doers.
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