According to Kingdom spokespersons, King Pimple of a Man will interrupt his Sunday of watching professional football in order to shape the narrative of an event that is fast becoming a political hot potato for his administration. The speech is scheduled to start at 8 p.m. Sunday though the King is usually fashionably late and the speech could start at 10 p.m.
With the news being released that there was a fahtwat that is emerging as the architect of the killing of fourteen innocent Americans of a superb multicultural spectrum of victims, King Pimple has to find a way to shape this narrative to his advantage.
At no time will he accept personal responsibility for making Ice Piss an international terror threat or in any way relate that his failed foreign and domestic policies have had anything to do with this couple of mooslims going postal on America.
He will first declare that this was not terrorism but the work of a successful woman who rose through the ranks of a man's world of terror and pussy whipped a man into doing evil things. Apparently the King will decry that she was not being paid an equal wage as compared to other mass murderers and he will pin the blame of this unequal pay directly in the lap of Republicans in Congress. He will pivot from this situation to appeal for "Equal Pay for Equal Work" as a way to highlight the candidacy of Witch Hillary Clinton and her insistence that there is an actual war on women in the Kingdom.
Secondarily, the King will slam the Republicans for not enacting "common sense gun laws" which would have prevented none of the mass murders of any situation that has happened since he first raped the Constitution by becoming King in 2009. Mindful that he needs to appear empathetic while calling for laws that will make the average American less safe, he'll wipe a few tears from his eyes as he trots out a few corpses of the children from Sandy Hook as props for his call to restrict gun sales to law-abiding citizens.
This news service has also learned that at no time will King Pimple of a Man utter the phrase "islamic terrorism". Instead he'll fashion the narrative to be all about Republicans and their pandering to the NRA and not passing legislation that just sounds good but does nothing to make American safer. He'll not acknowledge how these militant mooslims were able to obtain the weapons they did in a state that makes it criminal to even shape your hand into a gun and hands out life sentences to those who add "bang bang" to the hand puppetry of gunsmanship.
Of course the King will pander and exploit the 14 corpses from this situation but won't acknowledge the Jewish fatality other than to note he started it - all of this done on the start of Hanakkah.
Early drafts of the speech will also use his two towers of budding twatness as reasons to act and he might include his reproductive partner, Queen Moochelle, in some fashion though there have been no finalized plans on how much he'll want to share the speech time with her.
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