Twenty school children narrowly escaped being eaten by what has been characterized as a Vagita Vegita Moochella, or garden Sasquatch.
The children were invited to the White House on an innocent pretense of visiting the White House garden. They were lured into the garden by this invitation and were admiring the assorted vegetables when they were savagely attacked by a bare armed and bare shouldered beast so ugly that it caused the children to shriek and to flee from the garden with them tripping over four assembled dark dogs who tried to trap the children inside the garden.
"I was pulling carrots out of the ground," said Larry Chubbersworth, aged 8. "Just as I had pulled three rather large carrots, I heard a growl and saw this beast arise from the cucumber and squash plants. She raised up and yelled and threw up her arms to expose some really nasty shaved pits that reeked of bad body odor."
Jesse Vulvaitch, aged 7, was trapped by the four dogs when she felt the Moochelle slobber on her with quarts of rabid froth as the Moochellebeast lunged at her.
"I was beyond terrified," said Jesse. "I peed my pants and yelled nasty words when I was surprised by this seven foot garden beast. My daddy had taught me to kick a predator in the balls but I wasn't sure if this beast had any so I panicked and ran right into two dogs named Mothra and Sasquatch who were standing on their two legs and yelling to the beast that dinner was served."
According to White House spokesperson Lying Jackoff, children are invited every year to the garden and this is the first time any children had lived to tell the horrifying tale of the attack of Mochellebeast.
There are rumors of ghosts in the White House but the beast the prowls the garden has long been hidden and is rumored to have started prowling the grounds of the White House in 2009 and has evidently consumed over a hundred children - almost exclusively white males under the age of 10.
This reporter has filed a Freedom of Information Act request for all records of this garden beast and will report on any findings that manage to get through the least transparent government in American history.
Developing.
Related video that could give a hint why the Moochellebeast attacked the children in the garden.
From 2014 - "Turnip Predator" by UV Productions.
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