The Klan of Perpetual Victims, a rag-tag group of sixty miscreant organizations, has issued six demands in their interest of racial equality.
And none of the demands are about equality.
I shall offer their six demands and a delicious retort for each below. I shall be as indignant and shall care as little as possible about these demands. Since I am white and am instantly a racist, I might as well get my use out of my condemnation by blacks. And I am writing this only because the New York Times published an article about your whinings. Since that must be answered, I shall do so. Assholes.
THUG DEMAND ONE: END OF WAR ON BLACK PEOPLE
- We demand an end to the war against Black people. Since this country’s inception there have been named and unnamed wars on our communities. Read the skreed.
- RETORT: Like the fictitious war on women, there is no war on black people. I know you are so used to whining about wolves and shadows that you have grown accustomed to being beatches of someone, but your feelings are now mute since America doesn't give a damn and is tired of you bitching and moaning and making everything into racism. Hell, we can't even criticize anyone who is black lest you claim we are only doing it because you have a bountiful heap of pigmentation and that no black person can do anything wrong. I can just imagine you'll only want brown sugar because white is too pure. You'll outlaw white paper and we'll be forced to write on black boards. We cannot and should not turn our heads while your communities commit crimes at disproportionate rates to your population and you are not excused from stealing, breaking laws, murdering, or other nasty things just because you exited your momma's womb with a skin color that happens to be black. You don't get to benefit from imposing racism onto others when you whine constantly about it.
- We demand reparations for past and continuing harms. The government, responsible corporations and other institutions that have profited off of the harm they have inflicted on Black people — from colonialism to slavery through food and housing redlining, mass incarceration, and surveillance — must repair the harm done. Read the skreed.
- RETORT: I am surprised that this dog stool only made it to demand number two, but stools are number two so perhaps you are just being cute? It is laughable that you would want to be paid for harms you never felt (are we to dig up your slave relatives and put a gold coin in their skeletal hands?). And thus you extend reparations to your perceived harm in your current life so you double dip in the finest of perpetual victims. I would contend that because you have received benefits that you could never have received in Africa, we will bill you for the freedom you have, the cost of the Civil War and a nice sum per family who lost a son, uncle, brother, etc in the Civil War. And we will demand interest since that is just right to do. And since you all have lived far longer than you would have in Africa had you stayed there and a greater number of your offspring survived, we will need to retire your soul at the average age of Africans (we'll be gracious and give you the average of the oldest tribe survivors). You will understand because you made demands, that we'll have to off you at that age and we'll take your assets to pay for the benefits you and your family reaped not living in Africa. I know you'll find this racist, but you went there with race and that you should reap a profit from being a perpetual victim. It is only fair that the costs of your benefits will greatly usurp any claims of reparation payments to you. This is only fair. You want to be a victim; we shall grant you more fuel to your sense of being picked on.
- We demand investments in the education, health and safety of Black people, instead of investments in the criminalizing, caging, and harming of Black people. We want investments in Black communities, determined by Black communities, and divestment from exploitative forces including prisons, fossil fuels, police, surveillance and exploitative corporations. Read the skreed.
- RETORT: If you do the crime, beatches, you do the time. It is not the fault of society at large that you seek to take what isn't yours or that you want to try to create a business selling something that is illegal. You are owed nothing from society at this point. We have spent trillions on poverty and to get it through your thick skulls that oral sex is a fine alternative to incessant reproduction and semen is low in calories as well. We should ignore your actions when you vandalize your own towns and you are walking out of businesses that have broken glass and you are engaging in neighborhood profit-sharing. It would be an incredible turn of events if you all pulled your money together to self-finance businesses the way the orientals do. I don't hear them whining that people call them slant eyes. These people work hard and support their families and have taught their young males to keep their cocks in their pants and their young ladies don't spread their legs without some visible means of support by the tiny peen holder.
- We demand economic justice for all and a reconstruction of the economy to ensure Black communities have collective ownership, not merely access. Read the Skreed
- RETORT: How is it that you are owed jack and why should the rest of America have higher taxes while your young men can't keep your cocks in your pants and your legs closed when you can't afford to make babies? Once again you wish to base policy on race while slamming any nose-out-of-joint wink about race directed toward you. Perhaps you should stay in school, get an education, demand your ilk reproduce only when they have the means to support their broods, and that not every black man is an athlete or is owed a job in the NFL and NBA. And since you find justice in economics, let us regulate the NFL and NBA and limit how many black asses are hired as players and make it equal to the percentage of black males in the general population. If you want to be treated as special, let's enforce how special you truly are!
- We demand a world where those most impacted in our communities control the laws, institutions, and policies that are meant to serve us – from our schools to our local budgets, economies, police departments, and our land – while recognizing that the rights and histories of our Indigenous family must also be respected. Read the Skreed.
- RETORT: Once again it is without merit to base laws and justice on race; since you whine about this, you cannot benefit from having it your way. Should that be your desire, Burger King will make you a Whopper. You can currently buy two Whopper Combos for $10 and they'll sell it to you even with your darkest of pigments and your loudest whinings. And who will make up your patrols? The same lovely young men who wear their pants down to their knees, play loud music that seeks to rape women, and the same gang-bangers who are killing each other?
- We demand independent Black political power and Black self-determination in all areas of society. We envision a remaking of the current U.S. political system in order to create a real democracy where Black people and all marginalized people can effectively exercise full political power. Read the Skreed.
- RETORT: Since black only institutions are by their nature violative of equal rights of the other humans not born with black pigmentation perpetual victim status, having black only institutions should be disbanded when financed with government funds. The Congressional Black Caucus should be outlawed and it should be illegal for any non-profit organization to be race-based - thus the United Negro College Fund and the NAACP should be outlawed. Since we are to be color blind as per Dr. Martin Luther King, basing policy on the content of character should be paramount and the color of your focking skin matters jack. As all demands here are race-based, they are thus illegal and violative of equality. You shall not be able to declare being a victim of racial oppression and then seek to benefit from it. Killing your parents doesn't not give you substantial rights to appeal that you are orphan! You do not get to whine that you have no political power when you base your whinings solely on race.
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