Blabs Streisand Dancing to Hillary Victory
Blabs Streisand has been seen presuming victory in November and was joyful and celebratory.
Perhaps God will have the last laugh and make it so either she doesn't see November or gets a Trump victory as a dish served cold.
GOP will have Donald J. Trump on "Intervention"
The lame stream media which is all in on the Democrats, has reported that the GOP Establishment is having a cow with Donald Trump and will be having an intervention that will be filmed and produced for A&E television.
"We are increasingly concerned that Donald is showing signs of confusion and hostility towards all of the protected classes in America and we have to seize him to brainwash him into the "modern" way of thinking (to those who are low information voters that means Progressivism). Donald has attacked a poor Muslim Goldstar family (a rich immigration attorney whose son was killed in a unauthorized war a dozen years ago). It is just not right that he should not follow the narrative that Muslims are peace loving people in poverty," said a Republican operative tied to the John McCain re-election campaign.
According to unnamed sources, Trump will be told that the cameramen are there to shoot video for a documentary on how wonderful Trump is and that he will be brought to a screening of the video at the end of the session.
"We'll compliment him on his hair and say this is really going to "huuuuuge", said the unnamed McCain spokesperson. "If this doesn't work we'll just have to make him disappear and John will be prepared to lose another election for his party which will make everyone happy again."
Obama buys swampland in Iran for $400 million
Washington is all abuzz about the potential for the United States to negotiate with known terrorists in Iran and swapping $400 million worth of Rubles, Francs, Beans and Frans, Marks, Skidmarks, and Pesos (required 500 train cars to carry them all) for four hostages held in Iran for an extended stay.
"We firmly deny that the United States swapped $400 million for 4 hostages since we could have swapped out all of those at Club Gitmo for them and saved the taxpayers a huge amount of money," said Obama spokesperson Fukedup B. Yondallrecognition. "President was establishing a new Iranian National Park and bought half an acre of swampland to preserve it for generations. The Iranians agreed to name it "B. O. Swamp" and will put a statue in the middle of it with only the top of his head visible."
Obama's Terms will have slowest economic growth in recorded American history
Despite the narrative of all those good paying jobs that the Obama Administration has created (necessitating a push toward a living wage), the King's real economic record will be the first in American history to not produce a single year of 3% or higher economic growth - a feat that even Jimmy Carter managed to do in his reign of incompetence during the 1970's.
When asked about this situation, Obama spokesperson Fukedup B. Yondallrecognition remarked, "It is wrong to use an arbitrary measure of economic growth to attack this President's hard work moving the country into third world status. The President has spent considerable time between pickup basketball games, rounds of golf, vacations, and time spent attacking the Republicans and Donald Trump to ensure that America's best days are in the rearview mirror while you are looking ahead."
Supreme Court believes having a dick makes you a man. Period. Having a cunt makes you a woman. Period.
The Supreme Court with its eight member band of brothers and lesbians had enough votes to put aside a lower court ruling that a chick who doesn't have a dick can use the boys room because she thinks she has one down there.
Of course the lesbians agreed with the chick without a dick and supported her/his belief that because she/he fancies a swinging schlong down there some day that she should be able to use the boy's room so she can see what she will have someday.
The Gender Speculating community was livid that the chick without a dick, but who fancies that she has one should be barred from using a room with guys who have real dicks and who are happy with them.
Gender Speculators of America spokesperson Bewhat Youwant Tobe stated that "This decision is so against the progress that we've made fucking up America and that we must be allowed to wage war on normal children so that the one who is screwed up is made to feel comfortable. It just is not fair that those born with a gender identity that matches what they are born with should feel comfortable while the girl who thinks she is a boy is made to feel weird. Those normalcentric children should be the ones made to feel uncomfortable and we are not going to take this decision sitting down while we pee when we should be allowed to stand up like other boys."
Tesla Motors still can't make a profit but bought a $2.6 billion green energy company.
Elon Musk, CEO of the company modeling its balance sheet after the Obama Administration's fiscal solvency over the last eight years, has announced that it once again hasn't made a profit.
Yet, in other news, the company recently acquired a solar panel company for $2.6 billion and heads were turned and eyebrows were raised at the speculation as to what Elon was going to do with the company rather than wondering how he was going to pay for it.
Tesla Motors spokesperson Sparky O'Tool reiterated that, "Elon has a grand vision of taking the $500 million taxpayer loan and doing wonderful things with it like building gullwing SUV's that look like a five year old Hyundai SUV and having a really fast four door sedan that costs over $100k that will be able to crash with the same efficiency as the driver who is watching movies expecting the Tesla to think for him. Elon really thinks he'll be kicking ass and taking names in five years and fancies himself so big that he can't fail and because he expects Hillary to win the White House, he knows she'll bail him out by giving him billions of tax and interest free money that she'll extort from her Wall Street buds who gave her millions to talk about her yoga classes."
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