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| Boris and Natasha |
Without being able to name the sources of our discovery, we can say that Jared Kushner met with and slept with a carrot eater. Our source indicates that Kushner owns at least six pairs of boxer briefs that have a carrot eating wabbit and that carrot eater is preciously close to Kushner's junk.
"I can't say whether Ivanka approves of said wabbit munching on such a large carrot and she can't, but I do know that the couple have had fights over the underwear with Ivanka wishing Jared would grow up and trade in that wabbit for a playboy bunny logo. She is beside herself with tingling in her loins when she sees those carrots only to be disappointed when Jared removes the shorts and gives her a baby carrot in salty sauce."
Our sources do indicate that Jared has been seen talking to a stuffed bugs bunny doll that is in his workplace and has been there as long as Kushner has been an aide to the carrot-colored hair piece that is known as the Donald.
Sources close to Kushner indicate that he is oddly ambivalent about parsnips and some suspect that carrots have been requesting special treatment from Kushner that he gives to carrots.
Having caught wind of the carrots, Maxine "Stone Puss" Waters, the ugliest woman to ever live and breathe at the same time, a Democrat born with as little as three brain cells, wants an immediate investigation as to whether Kushner's preference for carrots means that he is perjudiced against fruits like tomatoes or lettuce or kale.
"I do think there is enough there to explain why Hillary Clinton lost to Trump because she preferred Cucumbers (and substantially sized ones) while Trump has someone doing carrots. This is shocking and a sign of hating women since any woman would grab a cucumber over a carrot. This hate for women's feelings is just outrageous," said Aunt Esther Waters as she squeezed her beedy eyes toward the camera and frothed at the mouth.
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