Apparently it was God's will that MaGoo "Pat" Robertson, the 87 year old founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN), fell off a freshly baked animal cracker horse and was rushed to a hospital where he is reportedly resting comfortably and should recover to spread more hate and disinformation to the world.
Pat Robertson is known for a life long string of hateful and disgusting things about gay people uttered while collecting millions from blue-haired old ladies who can't remember what sucking peen is like or when they last did the nasty themselves.
According to unnamed CBN sources, Pat Robertson was kicked out of the Keebler Elven Magic House some sixty years ago because he wanted to put weed in his cookies while dressed up like a reverend in the Keebler kitchen.
"It was distressing," noted the eldest of the Keebler elves, Mugsnot Ramone Robertson, 92 (all Keebler Elves share the same last name), "MaGoo (his real name) constantly bragged that he was a virgin and was pure as the new fallen snow but was secretly putting weed in cookies because he could hear God talk to him much clearer. When we learned that MaGoo was spiking the cookies, we had no choice but to tell him to get the frock out of here and he went on to form CBN where he secretly did his weed while drinking Michael Jackson's private labeled "Jesus Juice" that featured nude cherubs leaking grape juice from their loins."
The official word from CBN was that Robertson mounted a freshly baked animal cracker horse that was well endowed and Robertson was too frail to eat the horse as he wanted. The horse bucked and flung the evil elf about 30 yards until Robertson came to rest against a rock and a hard place.
Rescue units responded in an attempt to save the miserable elf's life, but he is one tough mother fucker and didn't break a hip or any other bones. Apparently his ears deployed and softened his fall from the animal cracker horse.
CBN officials categorically deny that Robertson was seeking sexual gratification from the animal cracker, but first responders did note the horse was particularly stimulated upon their arrival and Robertson's fly was unzipped and a popsicle stick with duct tape was found not too far from Robertson.
Stay tuned to UV News Network as this story could have a very happy ending with the passing of the evil elf or we could unfortunately report that he has made a full recovery.
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