Dateline: Land of Make Believe, Anywhere But Here U.S.A.
Like the hunt for a unicorn or finding bones for Big Foot, the Trump Voter Fraud Commission discovered that getting to the bottom of voter fraud is something that may exist but won't ever be uncovered in our lifetime.
And so it goes, the Agent Orange Voter Fraud Commission was dissolved today with nary a finding of voter fraud - not for want of trying - but because the States weren't interested in giving up their data to a man as brash and reckless as Donald J. Trump.
According to one state official whom didn't even want her state announced (much less her own name for fear that Donald J. Trump might want to give her a juge kiss), "We aren't giving any of our data on dead voters or voters who might have voted 13 times or people who don't even exist to Donald Trump. We aren't going to be threatened into submitting to someone whose hair might not even be really his."
This comment was not a singular one as scores of officials from assorted states have suggested that their own voter fraud won't be shared with anyone outside of their states.
Said another official from another undisclosed state, "We might have fraud and it might be significant, but think of it as a really big UFO that you think you saw and that might have been seen by 10 state troopers and several catholic priests - it doesn't exist until you get it to land and to announce that 'honey, we're home!' And so there is no voter fraud that we want to disclose and whether it really exists is really up to us to disclose. And we ain't handing it over."
Donald J. Trump, billionaire hair piece and owner of several deluxe versions of the Playskool Twit Device, suggests that Hillary Clinton is so unpopular that she couldn't possibly have had over a million more votes than he did in the 2016 election.
Just as the states did not want to part with any identification for fear that they might join North Korea on a missile attack from depressing Trump's really big nuclear button, Trump officials are not so keen on identifying themselves when commenting on the First Twit. Said one official in the administration that didn't want anything about his/her position to comment revealed, "Trump often checks under his bed for dust bunnies who might have stolen a sock or has even had dryer dismantled to catch the elf in there that has done the same. Trump is so paranoid that Keebler elves live in trees that he's going to have part of a Magnolia outside removed so as to discourage illegal relatives from the South from joining those who he insists already live there. Trump will whine about conspiracies and other situations about people who want him gone. He lives in a world where there is reality to the situations even if you can't find jack to prove they exist. Hell, he even believes in the Energizer Bunny since he often sees it on television three or four times a day."
The Voter Commission will have its one box of records moved to a closet smaller than the one used for Hillary Clinton's private email server and likely will be forgotten just like her Rose Law Firm records that could prove what a dishonest bitch she was back in the late 1970's.
This is a developing story and actual voter fraud could be unearthed by accident.
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