Ultraviolet Thunderpussy's View: Commentary, Vintage Male Photos, Videos.

Episode Five Last week something was in the air. Once again I'm a middle aged fag.   Women are unremarkable to me.    Men, especially good looking ones, well, I am biased.   Sue me. This week we are led off by a boring fool who works in Human Resources who eats a chicken sammich every day and who had his boss once file a missing persons report on him.   Well, he didn't tell work that he is cheating on them and is auditioning for AGT. What is that stench? This contestant is just wonderful.   He wouldn't tell us what he was going to do.   He's the black Nancy Pelosi who demanded that we pass the Obamascare bill so that we could find out all the shit that was in it. Meet Crab Man Our human resource guy wants to quit his day job and to make a living off being a human crab, a human pretzel, and one who could suck his own cock backwards.   Oh, joy.    This might be the highpoint of the evening's show.   What a crock.   This is twisty Troy.   He gets four votes.   AGT is going downhill fast.   Maybe Crab Man can just pull the show there forever.   And just think, we didn't have to go to Mongolia to import this shit.

Not making the cut were five black dudes in stereotypical ghetto boots jumping around.    Obviously they didn't make it because they were black. Then came a graveyard theatrical group comprised of white people.   They didn't make.   So much for white privilege. Jump rope and then hang yourself. Some chick jumped rope to music.  Yippe fuck.    The rope wasn't bad.   Maybe it can sue the fish for touching it.   MelB thought it was brilliant.   You can surmise it wasn't.   She tells a sob story.   Her teammates in school turned on her.    I'm surprised they didn't cover her in cat litter. Just remember this is supposed to be a talent show, not how many Kleenex's you can use to blow snot stories.

Tennessee 18 year old Male.   Cute.   He's never had a girl friend.    Don't worry, babe.   Men will make you much happier.   I'm biased.   Good looking trumps fish any day.   And he plays an instrument. Meet Joseph.  He plays the keyboard.   I'm sold.   He also sings.  I won't hold that against him.   Average at best singer with beautiful eyes and hair that I'd like to pull.   Of course I'd vote him through - to my room.    This is innocence personified.    AGT has too many chippie females with slits without fur.   It is about time they have a legal young man with fur and with virginity.

She is no Coco Peru and she lacks the curls.   Did I forget to mention she can't sing?    Good old fashioned train wreck.  Sorry no video.   Be thankful. Stuff Yo Face with Hot Dogs.    Can you believe this shit?    No video.   Be thankful. French Accent.   Bearded and Not So Funny.   One Liners and Puns.  One strike.   Two strikes.   Three Strikes.   So good.   Howie thinks this is funny.   If he'd amputate a leg he'd be even funnier.  An X is removed.   Now two yes votes.   Audience is now lobbying for X to be removed and he gets three yes votes.   Simon brings it back to reality.   He keeps his X.   Consider him the filler of a meatloaf.    He barely had an act for the audition.   You think he'll be funnier?    Well, he still has two legs to hack off.

Enter Beyonce without the Whore Appeal.   But she's a mom.   Doesn't that count? Singing a Whitney Houston song.   Oh, joy.   Trying to impersonate her.    Is she a one trick pony or can she branch out and impersonate another dead singer?    How about Ray Charles?   Egads, we are only 30 minutes into this show with an hour to go.   I don't think I can handle the fun.

Kenny is from France.  He's so cute.   He can ride his motorcycle over my course any day.   Did I mention he's adorable?  He's gonna run over Howie!   I'm so into this.   And to think we've never seen this French guy's "talent" yet!   I was sold on the first smile.    He can run up my ramp any day!  Woof!   He's French and I love it.   And to thank the French, I think we should send over the Bloody Hen Out House Cafeteria in trade.

Enter a Doctor.   Can we donate him to hell and get back the black talented one that died from last year instead? He writes songs to heal his patients.    He is going to sing about his mum.    If I said he was horrible would that be an understatement?    Poor mum.   He should have just run her over with the BMW.  The good news is that I have sung better than that several times.   Now his mother, Mrs. Frankenstein, is coming out to defend him.    Too bad we can't haul her ass away with a chain attached to a motorcycle.   Someone needs to call 311 - we have an old biddy that is making things ugly.

Small businessman turned comedy. He was painful.    No video.  Thank me. Illusionist.   He'll only be as good as the camera work fraud. He has left the stage.   I'm thankful.   And he reappeared where the big guy once was.    One trick dog and pony show.

Enter Tuity Fruity with Blonde hair.  Of course he has a sob story.   He has lost feelings in his hands.   I've lost feelings for this shit. He plays the violin.    I think you have to bleach your black man hair in order to relate to this.   If he could wear a bag over that face, it would almost be good.   I don't think so.

Elderly Stand Up Comedy.   You'll laugh.   You'll cry.   And you'll die. He takes five naps and does crossword puzzles.   I bet masturbation is out as he noted his sexual peak 38 years ago.   He was almost funny.

Enter Brody.   He's a Gender Speculator.   He was really Natalie.   Hormones and facial hair makes you a man.    What a crock.   He claims he is transgendered.   That is a fraud.  He's now a man.   You aren't transgendered. He is adequate as a singer.   I'm not buying into the sob story.   We all have crosses to bear.  Oh, boo fucking hoo.   There was no need to say any of this shit.    Being a fag doesn't me special.    It is my own business now keep your transformation to yourself.