Dateline: Peanut Butter, Georgia
According to close associates to the 94 year old former President, James Earl Carter, there was a medical emergency declared as he tripped over his 1970's legacy of malaise, sweaters, and incompetence and broke a hip as he hit reality.
"We cannot give you more than this," noted Skippy Ray Carter-Mondale, "The former President was transported to the hospital at 55 mph and endured much pain as his hip was determined to be fractured. While we suspect the Russians were behind this, we know for a fact that Donald J. Trump has placed a curse on Jimmy and is jealous of the achievements of the Carter administration."
Notable achievements of the Carter Presidency include double digit interest and unemployment rate and the Carter collection of sweaters and malaise that could be spread on bread (if you could have afforded it).
There is no word yet how long the former President will be off his feet, but he will continue to kiss any dictator's ass in the virtual world just as he did in his failed foreign policy and decades after he was beaten by a former actor who might not have been all there.
Cards and letters from dictators across the world came pouring into the Carter hospital room as these miscreants wished that America was led into further decline by Carter instead of a period of Greatness under Donald. J. Trump.
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