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Let me introduce myself.   I'm U.V.   I don't hold grudges.   But I do remember putrid customer service. I've endured the delivery service, FedEx, for many years.    I know these clowns are supposed to be the bomb.   These buffoons are supposed to be better than the mere Postal worker.   FedEx would like you to think that they are better than UPS. Well, my experience with FedEx is that they must strive to be underwhelming at every turn.    I can't remember a FedEx delivery person.   I can remember that I've never been impressed by any of them.   I have a UPS man who is kind and friendly.   And, no, I don't ovulate for him.   He's just a nice person. My encounter with FedEx today comes as a surprise in the scope that the company has decided to undertake. I test products for a major electronics outlet.    There is listing that is sent out to "members" of the chain's tech community and we get to request that product.  Of course there are only a limited number of "free" products to request.   I've been doing this for six years now and I've gotten to test nice things like Dyson stick vacuums, different laptops (alas no Apple ones) and various other electronic devices.   I get the products for free in exchange for an honest review of the product.   At the end I get to keep the item.   At tax time this will be reported to me as a sort of "income" and I'll pay taxes on that amount. Most of the time there is no issue with getting the product.   In this particular situation the product was requested back in May.    This was a 60 inch flat panel television.   For once I got to be a size queen!   For months this product never was shipped - this part is not the fault of FedEx, but rather the television company with compounded issues of chip shortages and transportation issues from the land of Human Rights Abuses - China.    Several months went by and no television was indicated as having been shipped so I inquired with the representative for the retail chain.   The television had not been shipped and was delayed because of the reasons I had outlined.   No expected date was given so I had no reason to expect delivery at any particular time. Remember, I requested this back in May and usually the product arrives at worst a month later.    Earlier this month I was checking on the expected ship date of another product that I had requested and noticed that the television had been shipped and had arrived in a local distribution area near me.    I know how to use FedEx's tracking system and there was a hold indicated on the item - this was about 10 days ago.    Try as I might, there was no reason given on the website nor was anything available on their automated system. Days passed.   As the item required my signature, I tried to put a hold on it and to have it shipped on a day I would be home.   Unlike many Americans these days, I work in the same job I've had for the last eight years and I like my job.  I wanted to have the item shipped on a day that I was going to be home.   No luck in having that done.   The system would not allow me to do what I normally do - hold it and ship at a specified day or deliver it to a local business that handles FedEx and to pick it up there.   Not one chance to do this.   And I first tried about 2 days after I first noticed the item had been shipped and had arrived in the local depot. I have actually had a 55 inch tv delivered by FedEx before and had no issues.   They delivered and even emailed me as is typical that a delivery was incoming.    Not on this delivery.   Jack shit from FedEx. Or so I thought.   The assholes at FedEx arbitrarily decided to make three phone calls on a day and a half to consult with me about this delivery.   I've never had FedEx call me for jack.    And since I'm tired of spam calls, I let phone calls go to voice mail - and that number that I have on file is set up to send a voice mail to my email address that I can check when I get home from work.    I don't check my phone that often so that is why I have things set up that way.    But no messages were left.... Yesterday, oddly enough, I received an email notification from FedEx that I was getting a package delivered to me today!    The tracking number indicated it was a FedEx letter.    The letter was delivered on time and I opened it.   It was about my TV and that because they tried on 11/09 to contact me, they considered my failure to answer my phone as declining to receive the package and that it was now in storage and I was racking up storage fees! Let me remind you that I am U.V.   I am normally rationale and calm.   But when you pluck my last good nerve, I will swing my purse with my 50 pound gold-plated Bible and you will feel it. I read the legal looking letter and noticed a phone number.   I called it.    I was transferred to another phone number that rang so many times that I was going to hang up.   I'm not going to be nice here ... the Chick answered the phone.    She could have been Lily from that phone company that I loathe.    I explained to her what letter I had and she proceeded to "tell me" that I failed to answer their phone calls.    I said, "what phone calls?" - the one associated with this phone number .... she gave me the wrong number.   I pointed that out.   She then corrected herself after I told her what my number was. Then she proceeded to tell me I was going to have to pay storage fees on that tv because they couldn't get a hold of me and that I had x number of days after their attempt to make arrangements.   Miss U.V. is many things, but I'm not Miss Cleo.  I don't have Psychic friends in a network.   I don't read minds.   I don't read Lily brain cells. At this point I went off.... you mean you can send me a letter to an address using your service and you can't get a hold of me?   The very same address that the product would have been shipped too?   Since when don't you leave a sticker on my door like every other time?    She wanted to interrupt me. Bad move. "Well, you have two choices, ma'am.   We can have this shipped to me next Friday when I will guarantee that I'll stay home for your company to do its job or you can ship that shit back to China!"   and before I could get the a out of China she told me not to swear at her.    Bad move. "Perhaps you've waited nearly six months for something and no one bothers to tell you SHIT and out of the clear blue you find out that something is being shipped and is in your depot but your website doesn't tell me SHIT!?" She was flabbergasted.   She was ready to make a face. Sensing that I was getting nowhere with Lily, I demanded to talk with her supervisor.    After almost as many rings as it took to get Lily out of her chair, her supervisor answered.    He seemed like a nice young man and I softly and nicely explained my situation. "Well, we did try to call you at the number we had!" he exclaimed. "From what I see here, the only issue is getting that TV out of your hands into mine.  How about agreeing to have it delivered next Friday and I'll be out of your hair!" I offered. "You have to pay the storage fees for us to do this!" he retorted. Suddenly the word "shit" was released from my mouth again and I told him that I've had other run ins with his incompetent company and that he can leverage the treatment I was getting on me ever using his shitty company to ship products from me to others in the future. "You will still have to pay the storage fees." he added. "Not a problem.    No more business from me and I'll ensure your treatment is spread to everyone I can tell.    I will contact the company that I am obligated to do the review that you have been non-responsive."  I said as I hung up on him. I immediately emailed the retailer about my issues since I am not able to go further as part of my obligation to retailer.    I received an email back within the hour that I was under no circumstances to pay for any storage fees and the tv vendor can have the television shipped to me like they are contracted or they can send it back to China on their dime. Stay tuned.  I'm sure that this will get juicier.