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A BELATED LOVE REMBRANCE
I apologize for the delay
in posting this series as I just couldn't think of how to get around my
feelings of losing two long time lovers, Richard, and recently as of
July 2025 with Tim. I ended up going through
Valentine's Day with emptiness. And even though this
is March 14th, I have had a month to reframe my feelings and to wade
through them from tears to joyful remembrance.
The first song is not by a gay artist,
but it is a song I shared with Tim during one of our Friday phone calls
back nine years ago. The second one is also not a gay
artist, but it is one that I lived each Friday phone call with Tim as he
battled Bipolar disorder. The
hardest thing about losing a gay lover is that it is difficult to talk
with those who aren't gay about the turmoil that simmers
inside. I lost Richard in 1993 due to AIDS and he had
moved back with his parents and I received THAT PHONE CALL in August
that he had passed. Up until that point, I had never
had my heart ripped out and thrown hundreds of miles
away. It took years to get over that loss as the dead
are always perfect and the blemishes that existed are never present when
you recall the smiles, the laughter, and the love that was seemingly one
from a prior life. Tim's
death was no less impactful - we never met in person - we came to know
each other in a website that I won't mention, but for some reason we
gravitated toward each other and quickly became a weekly phone call on
Fridays. That was our night. Aside
from Richard, I have never felt THAT FEELING where I've known someone
forever in my core. For about 15 years we were never
separated on Fridays even if one of us was sick, we'd phone, talk for a
couple of minutes and say "I love
you." All of that ended in July
2025 when Richard didn't call. I called him three or
four times that night and the next without hearing anything other than
his voice mail greeting. I was really worried because
he had fallen once before the year before and had a hard time getting
back up - the fall that led to the discovery that he had
Parkinson's. My Dad died of that disease and I could
just imagine Tim had fallen and couldn't get up.
As Tim only mentioned me to his mother, no one knew I even existed in
Tim's world and she died in 2024. No one was
there to reach out to. I checked London newspapers (Canada)
daily and didn't see anything. Finally about two weeks
later I called London police and they somehow knew of his situation in a
quick return phone call and informed me that he had died of a heart
attack. Death by phone call again. And
with that backstory, I offer this love remembrance for Richard and Tim. |
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