Dateline: Chappaqua, New York
Neither Hillary nor Bill Clinton were at home during today's near crisis when fire struck an outbuilding reportedly used by the Secret Service when protecting the asses known as the former first family.
According to unnamed sources with knowledge of the blaze that was reported around 2 p.m. local time, smoke could be seen rising from an outbuilding used by the Secret Service. With both Clintons out of town on this day, Kankles was reportedly riding her broom in the crisp winter day skies and Bill reportedly on another junkette where there were many loose women, boozes, and lovers of underage females, this is a mysterious fire to say the least.
The same source noted above went further to suggest that not much happened other than some smoke and fire extinguisher damage. "They didn't even have to use water to put out this fire," noted the source, "as it was contained in a fireplace that was not burning any non-subpoena'd documents. There was a hint of papers burned, but we want to assure the public that nothing burned here that has not been requested by any court or congressional authority. The fire was put out in less than an hour and there are no traces left of what was burned."
Chappaqua is the post White House home of Bill and Hillary Clinton, but Bill is rarely home as Hillary's female love interests don't often allow owners of peen to enter the property. Hillary is particularly protective of several locations like a small closet near the bathroom and another location in the basement that we are assured never were used to house a personal server that was never used to transmit classified documents of any time and that were most assuredly never connected to a recent report that Huma, Hillary's main squeeze, had transmitted to her child pornographer husband, Anthony the Weiner.
The Clinton Family Crime Foundation wanted to assure the public that no animals were injured in this fire and that the family will plant trees in the spring to cover the significant carbon dioxide emissions that arose from not burning non-subpoena'd documents.
