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Knowing how utterly
stupid you have to be to make it big in the recording industry, I will
be gleefully watching this evening Grammy's to report on the utter
nonsense that passes as "great thought" from these performers.
Already we have the fraud
performer Miley Cyrus, who only is on television because her dad had one
notable song amongst all his flops, causing a stir with the flash of
nippleage at a pre-Grammy party noted in the masthead of this
post. CBS is so worried that these musictards will say or do
something utterly stupid that they issued dress codes to keep their
hooters in place and so that we don't have to see cottage cheese thighs
and pasty buttocks.
I will give out my own
awards tonight to our beloved digitally enhanced singers who couldn't
make it if their careers depended on their actual singing voices.
I'll also report below on
what I see and then also consult with some places that can flesh out who
is who and tie this together in another post.
My parents and I were
talking about concerts we had seen back in the late 70's and early 80's
- the true entertainers were about the show -their voices and their
performances -not about any gimmicks or pyrotechnic crap.
These people had real voices. They had no side
game. Today most singers can't really sing and are all about
their gimmick.
S H O
W N O T E S
Opening Act - Didn't get
it. Weird guy on bicycle and people dressed in white.
Oh well. Some chick singing about a song I've only heard a couple
times. Not digging it. Found
out from a blog that this chick was Taylor Swift. HATED
IT. Apparently the skit was based on "Alice in
Wonderland". HATED IT! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
Next up, Elton John with
some dude. No sex. Just singing about some
Angels. Was there a purpose to having this act
here? Why were those two paired up?
Ed Sheeran was evidently who sang with Elton. WTF he is I
have no idea.
First award presented by
a washed up whore and some asshole named "pitbull" - who the
fock is he? Jayho dressed in a hideous black thing with hair that
looked like a cookie jar lid.
JayHo Posing in all
Sluttiness Pictured Above
Best polo solo by a chick -
Adele - "Set fire to a rain" - hasn't that song been out for
years? Adelle comes out in a bright floral dress that looked like
Gramma's couch cover.
Adele Modeling Gramma's
Couch Pictured Above
Neal Patrick Harris
dressed in death warmed over dark grey - is he really gay?
Revoke his card now! He introduced some guy who looks like
he escaped from Whoville with hair and face already in
character. High water pants that look like he stole them off
a chick. Totally unremarkable. Is
this who "Fun" is? Never knew they even
existed. LA Times blog is supposed to be live by damned if it will
update like I am doing to my blog.
Miranda Lambert and
"Dirt" Bentley. She is dressed in a short tight fitting
dress - must be 50 pounds overweight and you can see all the cottage
cheese. Has "claws" done by some West Virginia
beautician - tacky as hell. Dirt Bentley looks like he just
picked himself off the bar floor - hence the name. If I
didn't see them the song might not have made me have dry heeves.
Reading LA Times Blog on
this event. They are scratching their heads as much as I
am. And they like this shitty music but are wondering WTF is
happening tonight. Guess Whitney Houston can only die once.
Next up is the typical
ethnic singing I hate so much - trying to sound different and doing it
very badly. I guess there is more than one of them - poorly
dressed and bad hair. Yeah, rap crap. Hate that
shit.
Best Country Solo
Performance - Carrie Underwood - Criminal guys from above presented the
award - makes no sense why rap artists introduce country
star. Stupidity. Good entry into the boobie
awards.
LL Snuze Jay is running
this thing and doing a very bad job. Gawd is he boring and
not funny. Why is he dressed in white with that stupid black
cap while everyone else is dressed in death black?
Tim McGraw and some
country chick are introducing some pop song of the year? Why
is this show making no sense? We are
Young? That song has to be a decade old? Is this
show even current?
Johnny Depp introduces
some act - looks absolutely wretched like some hippie. This
act is making me ears bleed they are so bad. Sounds like
cats being drowned in a bag. Finally, the crowd is applauding that
the noise is over.
Oh joy - Beyonce - the
Super Bowl whore and pre-recorded bitch and Ellen Degenerate are up next
to introduce Justin Timberlake's return. The shits
just keep on shitting. Beyonce looks like she's Amish and Ellen
looks like a Catholic Priest. I don't get it. Now
Justin Timberlake is back. Big Whoop. WTF - this is
horrible! CBS went to sepia tone - this sounds like some bad
high school musical. Justin just killed his
revival. It was that bad. It just got even worse
- there is some jerk doing rap now. This makes no sense -
retro with rap crap. BARF! Now show goes to
color and Justin loses two balls and sings like a chick.
Absolutely dreadful.
Best Urban Contemporary -
guess that isn't racist.
An hour and 15 minutes
into this show and I still don't see the point of why this is televised.
Why are the men dressed
like they are going to a funeral? Monochrome crap
look. Oh wait. This show does remind me of something
dead. I get it.
Best Rock
Shit. Don't know who the Black Keys are. Don't
care. Short and sweet acceptance.
Maroon Five is on.
I actually like them. But they sound awful tonight.
Alicia Keys is going to sing too? Can she finish tonight
after that horror of a National Anthem performance?
More monochrome black shit. Who focking
died? Egads is Alicia Keys awful. She's
beating drums and off key the beginning - finally gets back to sounding
normal - she's dressed in death black too! What is this
message that is being conveyed?
Keith Urban and Some Big
Bang Bitch on to present best Pop Vocal Album - Fat Cow Clarkson
wins. Second American Idol winner tonight. OMG - she's
as big as a bus. She needs to eat less.
Half way through this
mess - I still don't know why this is being televised.
These aren't music videos.
Rhianna dressed in
black with long hair - looked like she was trying out for Adam's
Family Values - Beat Me to Death. Song was as plodding
as could be and then some old white guy dressed in black joins the
death party. Not the worst performance but so slow that
you kept wondering if Alicia Keys was going to join in.
Next award - best rap
song collaboration - how can you say "best" and
"rap" in the same sentence? Another
award created to give those without talent a chance to get a
trophy.
There is one thing I
can say about tonight's show - these assholes say precious little
and thank no one for their award. They just grab their
award and say something stupid and move on. Gotta love
that genuine selfishness.
Some chick is on
wearing blue - did she not get the funeral
message? Maybe the musicians are still honoring
Whitney Houston?
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Black Keys are on - I
don't call that singing. How is it that the video of
these guys on now looks EXACTLY like a still image I saw on a
preview site before the start of the show? Is this show
not live? Maybe that is why they are wearing black - the
show died.
Fat Cow Clarkson is
on dressed in enough black velour to make a million Elvis
paintings. At least she can almost sing. I
am watching to see if she sneaks a donut in between
songs. Damn she has black fingernail polish
on. I didn't realize she was a Goth too?
Does she cut herself? That would take a mighty big steak
knife. From certain camera angles Kelly is looking like
Miss Piggy.
Kelly Clarkson
introduces Country Album of the Year - I love Country music and
there is no way Zac Brown band had the best album nor were any of
the nominees even in the top of the best of the year.
This show is a fraud!
Celebrating Bob
Marley - oh this should be totally crappy.... Bruno Mars opens
- wears a hat that looks like it is twice the size he is - sings a
song that is not Marley - promoting his own stuff - I like Bruno so
this isn't half bad - just looks funny in all black - now Sting is
on - he looks like an old fool with a guitar - kinda pedo creepy
look - gotta hand it to Bruno - he is the only singer tonight who
can actually sing live - something pretty funny about a stiff white
guy singing to celebrate Bob Marley - now Rhinna is singing dressed
in something horrific and not black - then there is some black dude
with horrible braided hair and he can't sing at all - I guess he's a
prop for Bob Marley standin. This celebration is when
you add shit to a stew, it is a shit stew. Bruno was
great - the additions were one flush away from an empty bowl.
The Lumineers -
simply awful - is this a gag - hey - hey - ho - ho - hey - barf -
barf. Wonder if Kelly Clarkson has an extra
donut? They panned to the audience and Taylor Swift was
dancing to their song - bet she'll do one of them and create a
revenge song. She's like a black widow but she sings
about her bad lays instead of killing them.
OMG - it is getting
even worse - some guy who looks like a 1790's French Vampire singing
with some black chick that looks like she was on the original Star
Trek series. We must be going downhill cause the
shit is all around us. Egads - it got even worse - some
heavy metal druggie with hair like an electrocution victim!
Now Catty Perry is
going to give out award for new act - Fun - Catty Perry arrived
in M&M Green and looked like her boobs were gonna fall out of
her blouse. Instant boobie award nominee- Fun says he
has to pee - oh that is precious - boobie award nominee
Catty Perry and Her
Boobs Pictured Above
Hunter Hayes on now -
gives the little boy lovers something to look at.
Hunter Hayes Pictured
Above
Now Carrie Underwood
is on - shrieky and wailing. Dress is changing patterns - very
cool - turned into a monarch butterfly. She looks like
she'll be a 50 year old battle axe one day - drunk and throwing
ashtrays at her husband.
No Prince is on - wow
- they've dug up a body! Looks like the Unibomber in a
hoodie!
WTF Pictured Above
WTF won
an award above - don't know who they are or why their song was
memorable for any award. She dressed funny.
Now a
tribute to the dead folk.
Elton
John in the tribute and sadly used Sandy Hook children in the
mention as a prop - the exploitation of these kids will never
end. A whole host of singing freaks here to numerous to
mention. And they looked very freaky.
Absolutely
dreadful rendition of Elton John song by some latin singer -
obviously to pander to the hispanic viewers but it was
horrible. A total disaster.
Now some
new guy - Frank Ocean is singing - sounds just like a zillion other
black male singers - nothing special. Dressed in some awful
yellow suit that looks like Wild World of Sports wore in the
1970's. Gawd this is bad.
Album of
the Year Award was won by crass and tasteless assholes - Mumford
Brothers or something like that - had to be bleeped out - tasteless
pieces of shit.
LL Snuze
Jay is gonna sing. Big Whoop. Been there and
done that.
Boobie Award Nominees
Based on Show to Date
- Producers
who have rap artists introducing a country award winner.
- Second
nomination for the producers of the show for having disparate
performers introducing an award for a genre they have no clue about.
Country artists introducing pop song of the year.
- Justin Timberlake
for one wretchedly bad comeback. You really have
to work to be this bad. He must have practiced for
months.
- Kelly Clarkson for
fitting all that in something that small. She had
some mesh there too so there might have been Kevlar involved.
- Black monochrome
wardrobes.
- All Bob Marley
performers except Bruno Mars.
- Catty Perry for
dressing like a boob
- Mumford Pieces of
Shit for Being Bleeped Out
And
the Boobie
Goes to....
Catty
Perry!
2013 UV GRAMMY BOOBIE
AWARD WINNER
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