|
Democrats
Seize The
Moment and Go For
Your Knives

Fresh off the
carnage of Sandy Hook where children were killed by a
perpetrator with a set of guns he didn't need, didn't buy,
didn't trade for, didn't get from a garage sale, and didn't
obtain through a gun show, we now have the tragic situation with
a mass-knifing of 14 people in Texas.
As expected,
there was the shrill calls by leftist politicians to limit knife
ownership and to pass extreme and sweeping controls on knives
including background checks to buy even butter and plastic
knives.
"We must act
now to prevent senseless knife deaths and injuries for the
children," noted Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader.

"I have
called together the Senate Committee on Cutlery and Dangerous
Kitchen Utensils and we will seek to limit knives over 1 inch
long and those knives which cut too easily. If we
could make it so that it takes 10 minutes to puncture the skin,
that will allow time for first responders to arrive at the scene
and to negotiate with the perpetrator," noted Senator Diane
Feinstein, Chairperson of the Cutlery Committee.
No
First Amendment
Fight Here Notes Senator
Senator Chucku
Schumer, Democrat from New York, was quick to point out that there is no right
to own a knife and that Senate action will be swift and brutal against knife
owners who do not vote for the Democrat party.

"We will cut
up all opposition to this common-sense knife legislation. We will
not be bullied by lobbyists who have the Republicans in their pocket while our
lobbyists demand immediate action!" noted Chucku
President
Proudly Leads From Behind Again
According to White
House spokesperson, Jay Carney, the President is expected to issue a sweeping
speech on the need to register all knives including picnic basket sets and
plastic knives which are made with environmentally unsafe petroleum
products.

The President is said to be ready to outline a 15
point plan to ensure that future mass knifings are made nearly impossible and
calls for all Federal agencies to research making safer knives and to limit
all purchases of knives and to prohibit garage, knife, and kitchenware
shows. All knife owners who currently have any knife with a blade
over 1 inch in length will be asked to be registered and all knives will be
required to have serial numbers on the blades and on the handles and there
will be no more knife sharpening permitted.
Republicans
Already
Blocking Knife Control
CNN is reporting
that Republican leaders in the Congress immediately were taking the side of
the knife industry as they inquired how their steaks will be cut and what
happens when a criminal with a switchblade invades your home and you only have
a hobby knife with a dull blade to defend yourself.

Senate Minority
Leader Mitch McConnell who hates women and children was overhead in an
off-the-record meeting noting "I bought a beautiful set of steak knives
with gold trim made from exotic woods from the rainforest. I bet
Harry Reid would just die if he saw these."
National
Knife Association Issues Statement
The spokesperson
for the National Knife Association came out with a strong statement that
advocates putting unarmed guards in all schools and public buildings and to
not rush to judgment on all knives as knives don't injure people, people
injure people with poor knife training. The statement also
asks that knife training be done in schools so that proper cutting of meat can
be done and all students should have wire mesh containing gloves issued to
protect their young hands. The statement concludes that all
children should be issued wire mesh under garments to make the children safer.
Public
Support For
Safer Knives Increases
According to the
USA-Time-Warner-Looney-Tunes poll of 2,244 unregistered voters of any age and
employment status who responded to their phone with heavy breathing, 9 out of
10 surveyed believed that knives do cut and that there should be ways to make
knives safer and to keep them out of the hands of people likely to use them to
hurt people.
"My daughter
picked up a butter knife that had a rough edge and caused her finger to
bleed! You would think that in the era of drones we could come up
with knives that turn on only when they are about to cut food," noted
single mother, Janella Lombard, whose 12 children range in age from 10 months
to 10 years.
Knife Sales
Skyrocket
The public seems
undeterred and slightly motivated by the news of impending knife registration
and knife control as Walmart, Dollar General, Target, and Sears all report
that knife sales have doubled in the wake of the knife control discussion.
"How da hell
am I gonna cut my deer meat that I hunted with my AR-15?" noted Bubba
Jameson of White Dumb Fuck, Arkansas. "You think I'm going to
spend all night trying to cut my deer meat with a fork even if I was tempted
to eat it with a spoon. Hell, no!"
Vice
President Bite Me
Issues Statement

"I once used
a knife and now regret that I stored it in a drawer in the kitchen where my
grand kids could find it. We need to require locks on kitchen
drawers, but the President's Knife Proposal will seek to prevent future knife
sales and allow us to confiscate all knives from butter to huge carving
knives. We must act now! For the children!" |
No comments:
Post a Comment