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It's that time
again, folks!
Time to hear all
about our beloved Fuher - Heir Barry Obama.
You need to be
reminded that our Fuher won two elections. And those
are the only elections that matter and the other national
elections - Congress and its 435 members in particular - really
don't matter since none of those elections were for Barack
Obama, our Fuher.
And now that
you've been reminded of all that really matters, let's
prognosticate about what we'll see tonight. And you
know that it will be riveting - our Fuher speaks like no
others. And any noises that aren't applause are
being delivered by the enemy of the Progressive Reich.
Number of
Times We Hear "Me, My, I,..." or variations of
"Me and Moochie"
This speech will
make those delivered by that North Korean fat boy with a
creative execution style look pale in
comparison. As no one can sing his own praises
like our Fuher, expect to have around 100 or more references to
himself. You know you'd like more, but our Fuher is
a modest man.
Number of
Times The Camera Shows Republicans Not Clapping
Since this speech
will feature our Fuher's typical bi-partisan appeal, we
can expect that the enemies of the Reich to act like little
babies and seek to obstruct the joy and appreciation of our
Fuher. Our fearless leader will endure and elevate
himself over this selfish display by the Republicans who still
don't know their place (under the thumb of our leader) and they
will likely whine and pout over 20 times.
Number of
Times Our Beloved First Lady Frau Gertruda Moochies Linkmeir
will be seen clapping and smiling
There is never
enough time to gaze upon the bare arms and paws of our First
Lady and the camera operators will have their hands full
captivating her radiance. She recently turned
50. There have been some untrue reports that it will
take $100k to repair the damage of time to her
visage. We all know that our First Lady does things
big and the price tag won't be under $1 million for repairs and
restoration.
Number of
Times Our Fuher Blames Others For Our Troubles
It was so unfair
for our Fuher to be handed such a mess and despite being in
office for over five years, our Fuher had so much on his hands
to be able to improve this economy or to do the work of
the people for the children. Our leader has
interrupted his golf games and vacations and NCAA basketball
brackets numerous times to focus on unemployment and the
economy. And during that laser-like focus that he
gave us, he also provided us our wonderful healthcare system
where we can keep our doctor or plan if we wanted to keep it,
but we all know that nothing is better than what our Leader
provides and the Republicans stood in the way of rolling out a
successful Obamacare. And we have to remember that
beyond all things, everything that is wrong with this country
was Bush's fault - our leader cares too much to intentionally
tank our economy to pay America back for its colonial and
market-driven past.
Number of
Times Our Leader Will Hold Representative Sheila Jackson Lee's
Paw.
Our leader is so
gracious and popular that people clamour to get aisle seats and
sometimes camp out for weeks to get a chance to be in the same
room and picture with him. Representative Sheila
Jackson Lee, a life form not yet determined, and who has an
alien spaceship on her head instead of hair, has made it her
career to be the first to have her paws held by the Fuher.
And our Fuher is not going to be seen ignoring unfortunate
creatures who are so dedicated in kissing up to him.
Number of
Times Sandy Hook Child Corpses Will Be Used As Props
Since the evil
guns killed all those innocent children who escaped being
aborted, it is necessary for our Fuher to exploit their death
several dozen times. As Raum Emmanuel has once
stated, "He cannot leave a crisis unexploited."
Number of
Times The 8 million People Who Have Given Up Looking For Work
Will Be Mentioned
Our Fuher wants
to be the Fuher of all people. BTW, he will mention
gay people, gay marriage, the need to embrace undocumented
aliens, the growing climate change problem, the need to have a
$500 per hour minimum wage, and the constant war on women not
caused by Bill Clinton (or HIllary) hitting on them.
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