And so we now proceed to the elimination of one of the six to get down to five performers of questionable talent.
And a dark horse has emerged. The season-long bottom two guy has managed to find a way to stay in it to win it and his race could well play a big factor in the final outcome. What remains to be seen is if he can string enough notes together in key to stay around until the end.
And I'm still not going to mention them by name. That would show respect.
Once again I'm watching this on delay on Hulu so the results are already known if you gave a damn. But none of the results would have the flair that I present while I type and watch this show on my veranda with a mint julip (or two) close by and with a beautiful yellow dress with white laced top looking as a Southern Belle should look.
It should be noted that if JayHoe had enhanced mammaries, they'd be sitting on the desk right now with the way her dress could barely contain the chest pimples she currently has...
And now for the misery.... In Two Chapters - Two Songs - Double the Misery
Blonded haired rocker bitch is the first in the top five - she's really not blonde and she really can't sing - but hey, this is American Idol and the only thing that matters is the back story about how her parents thought she was the son of a poor white sharecropper - er - fireman. And so the torture of the faux eighties rocker is ready to begin - omg - this is bad - its a flat performance with dancing even worse than the singing (if that were possible). This is how Blondie would sound inside a coffin. Universal praise from the judges adds icing to a cake that has living maggots crawling inside.
Next up is that man who loves himself more than you ever will - and now the obligatory sob story of him tearing something and not being able to play basketball - so he's now trying to impersonate a singer and we are the collateral damage of his performance. These sob stories by American Idol are stale - I could give a flying monkey's azz about their rough childhood. That voice. It is like a Bate's Motel shower and knife experience. I don't think I've ever seen a metrosexual male love himself more - and in metrosexual males, that is quite an accomplishment. Doughtry he is not. And the judges were all over this - and they should since apparently that was da shit and dey were da flies.
Dick sucking lips and bright eyes guy is the third one selected - short story about his childhood - no real sob story for FOX to exploit - "I Believe in Yesterday" - no guitar for him tonight - slam down the best vocals of the night (nothing new) - if he doesn't make American Idol Winner he can be my bed Idol every night.
Usual purple haired cunt now has different hair but the sob story is the greatest - unmitigated reproduction by her mother and father and homelessness with at least eight that I could count mouths to feed, cut utilities - this is a sob story for a winner of tears - but then she opens her mouth and the horror comes out - with braids she looks like Predator. She moved around and spread the misery to each audience member up close and personal. Not sure why she's still here since this is a singing competition and what I hear is simply horrifying. The judges were searching for positives but Leonard Nimoy is dead and it is not gonna happen.
The bottom two are ... drum roll ... bottom two guy and that rat bastard who whined last week and who is all gimmick and no song. This should be painful.
All dance and no voice awful dresser is up first - sob story about gun violence - it is odd that some of these performers have no baby daddy in their lives - how sweet! Today he is dressed like a dead 1960's black artist (this happened already once this season) - dog shit brown pants - awful leather or faux leather ones - that pierced nose and hair that does not set my heart on fire. It's time for this gimmick to be shown the door. This was perhaps his best performance - but that is like saying you found the tallest Keebler Elf in the tree.
Bottom two guy is up next - another performer with the sob story of no baby daddy in the life - it is so heart-warming that the guy that knocks up the mother is nowhere to be found - well, that is America today - no responsibility for one's reproduction - he is wearing a hat - I guess he thinks he's that awful thing called Pharrett - wow is this a bad performance - off key - screechy - there is no power to this voice. Could this be where All dance guy steals another round? Sang a Sam Smith song and like the original to have someone who can't sing trying to sing it.
Next round
The Guy Who Loves Himself - takes on a Rod Stewart song and really did nothing with it - how is this different than Rod's other than Rod could sing it? What a lightweight this cat truly is. I suppose not sucking is an upgrade for him but there was nothing special here - and he cannot afford to be invisible.
Purple haired cunt - Amateur night at the Apollo without the positives - high school musical level of development - it had no substance - it was not graceful and she looked like a mack truck covered in tin foil. She took a Bryan Adams song and just made it plodding and soul-less. JayHo was so searching for positives. That shows how bad it was. Ray Con-it was perplexed.
Snapchat artist? That ranks right up there in the food chain with flies on shit.
Dick sucking lips guy is now going to tackle a Justine Bieber song - it was absolutely awful - one of his worst performances - pitchy - didn't work at all - high pitches - could have been the worst performance of the night. Song did not fit his voice at all. Ray Con-It didn't like it - Keith wasn't digging it either - even JayHo wasn't drooping her boobs for it.
Next up is Blonde Haired Bitch - Revival of the 1980's without hitting anything of its positives - now she's dressed in something so out of character - she looks like a female - her hair is pulled up and she's impersonating Lady Gag Gag - she is not original - just a gimmick - her best vocal ever though. If she gives up her 1980's rocker for this - she could win American Idol - by far the best performance of the night. She held the parts she should hold - milking it - without rushing it. One of the best performances in this season.
Bad Dresser and Gimmick Guy - He looks like a woman - maybe this is what Bruce Jenner will wear with Barbara Walters - too little too late - he will be able to perform at Walt Disney World in the Lion King when he's done tonight. Nothing much there.
Pharrett wannabee bottom two guy - I"m tired of the black men who think they have to wear hats each time they perform - this is so old - its a gimmick and not a good one - this is an awful performance - he's even worse than Bad Dresser Guy - he should go home based on the vocals. He no longer will be in the finals -the blond-haired bitch just took that position tonight - and there is a danger that this dude won't be back. The ending was vomit-inducing. HORRIFIC. This is an average guy without any real talent.
Good grief - Bottom Two guy moves on. Last save now. He's going home after that purple haired cow.
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