It is now down to two - Dick Sucking Lips and the Guy Who Loves Himself More than Anything.
Delayed broadcast - and tonight's two shows are so unimportant that I did not even know who won the show - this says how bad this season was - I didn't have to work to avoid hearing about who won season 14! No one cares!
Three rounds of torture - (1) Contestant's Favorite (2) Simon Fuller's choice (3) Contestants' singles
It should be noted that JayHo had a top on that made her chest look like an exposed vajayjay....
Round Two was a clear Dick Sucking Lips victory - this song played to DSL's strengths and exposed GWLHMTA lack of vocal variety.
Round Three - A dreadful round. Each performer sucked. A sucking draw. No orgasms.
Projected Winner - Two draws and one round going to DSL - DSL is the American Idol.
Dick Sucking Lips Guy
"Ain't No Sunshine" - second song - again starts softly - and then the screaming starts - this is getting too predictable. My ears!
"Champion" - It started out horrificly - off key - awful song for his voice - it exposes him - this is a disaster - was this this a set up to get that other disaster of a singer to come from behind?
Guy Who Loves Himself More than Anything
Starts with "He Stopped Loving Himself Today"... well, not really, it was "Bright Lights" - it started flat and never recovered - the bug stomping feet movements were back - the impersonation of Daughtry was laughable - there is no singing talent here - he's just a rocker voice without any real talent - he looked spastic.
Jay Ho was practically straddling Guy Who Loves Himself's peen with her analysis - her ovulating had his name on an egg - it was disgusting. Repeated scenes of Guy Who Loves Himself's father - vomit inducing.
"I Won't Give Up" - started slow - it was oddly paced - his lack of voice is apparent here - weird facial expressions and odd head movements supplant bug stomping - it was an odd sounding affair.
"Beautiful Life" - what the fock - started out like Neil Diamond - now yelling - this is horrible song - it is like a Disney Song on Crack - this is the worst final set of songs I've heard ever - this guy can't sing - the back up singers were masking his lack of range.
And now for the requisite two hours of foreplay before we end this year with a climax of a droplette of pleasure. Previous years had us gushing with enthusiasm - this year we might not even realize there was a climax.
Now we have worthless acts with the insertion of worthless failed American Idol contestants.
First we had the living jacksons with the blue hair cunt who hasn't found a voice yet. It was not good on any level. The living jacksons were as awful as the american idol retread - ghastly - what a fitting performance for this year's results' show. After listening to this, I'm not sure these were the living jacksons....
This year's results show has performances by people you've never heard of and nearly dead people.
Up next something called nile rodgers - who the fock are these - sprinkled in with them are more american idol 14 castoffs - "we are family" at least we can think "birdcage" - "freak out" was a ghastly rendition as american idol vajayjays were as off tune as any - and just so I can be called insensitive - the requisite black male wearing a head covering since we know everyone has to be a phocking pharrett.
Ricky Martin was on - poor guy - no one told him this was no talent at the apollo night. He was ghastly - tonight's show was like having to do a smoke filled lounge in Detroit - five non-drunk people and the rest all sharing a bong. Then there was scag face and odd mouth from the american idiol cast offs and the sound was quickly turned into a Surgeon General warning. Then the number two guy appeared and we knew it was time to flush it down.
I'm not sure what a Janal Monae is but she's horrific - ghastly - flat - typical type of music that is recorded today - more worried about slutty moves and not one ounce of singing talent. Some odd guy with a beard appeared - this is a joke!
Another nothing singer - Prince Royce - one shit after another tonight on Crap radio!
Has every modern act been reduced to impersonating sex acts to music?
Now Jayho is on stage - the misery won't stop tonight. Something called Pit Bull was on stage. Watch your step, there was poo on stage - there had to be.
Another crap act Echosmith with the American Idol magic mushroom - egads is this bad - flat and off tune.
The highpoint of the show was Keith Urban singing - a real singing voice - really distinctive - really talented - woohooo! I remember seeing Keith Urban at a non-profit where I was working - a fundraising concert when Keith was nothing and just starting out - this guy just nails it!
Next up Wanda and the Number Two Guy - it was almost okay then Number Two Guy entered - dressed up like cheap date with skin tight pants and a sweater pulled down to his knees - ghastly - and the requisite Pharrett hat. If I wanted to hear guys sing high notes, I'd listen to the Bee Gees.
New Kids on the Block - now sounding 80 years old with the trippie teenage faux singer from American Idol - they noted in the preshow that he had big feet - oh dear. It was that kind of night - when you have to flash the words of their song on the screen and all the words are "oh" - you know the night sucks.
Then there was some curly haired guy singing like a chick with the hairball hair with a pierced nose guy who always dressed horrificly - I'm not sure what is worse - the way he looks or his singing.
Pitbull - whoever the fock they are - Chris Brown - isn't he a woman beater? And them another washed up American Idol 14 faux singer.
Steven Tyler was on - not sure if he was a man or woman - not sure if he was a dead body animated or a drugged up human - he is not aging well - then the faux rocker faux blonde bitch came on stage - more yelling and shrieking than a Rosanne Barr and Tim Arnold marriage fight - at least it was entertaining if not easy on the ears.
Dick Sucking Lips performed with what is left of Michael McDonald - it was kinda sad to see how he could barely sing - at least DSL sang fairly well even if MM could barely open his mouth at his advanced age.
Now to the Guy Who Loves Himself More than Anything and the Father That Loves Himself Even More - Andy Grammer - can't sing worth a lick and the song that GWLHMA - ghastly - horrible - vomit inducing -
Trio of judges performing was actually quite good - and Harry Conartist wasn't singing - thank you!
And the winner of the worst season of American Idol is.....
The Guy Who Loves Himself Wins! This is truly the frosting on a dog pile cake of a season. How fitting - a guy who can't even sing and who stomps roaches when he performs!
And now for the requisite two hours of foreplay before we end this year with a climax of a droplette of pleasure. Previous years had us gushing with enthusiasm - this year we might not even realize there was a climax.
Now we have worthless acts with the insertion of worthless failed American Idol contestants.
First we had the living jacksons with the blue hair cunt who hasn't found a voice yet. It was not good on any level. The living jacksons were as awful as the american idol retread - ghastly - what a fitting performance for this year's results' show. After listening to this, I'm not sure these were the living jacksons....
This year's results show has performances by people you've never heard of and nearly dead people.
Up next something called nile rodgers - who the fock are these - sprinkled in with them are more american idol 14 castoffs - "we are family" at least we can think "birdcage" - "freak out" was a ghastly rendition as american idol vajayjays were as off tune as any - and just so I can be called insensitive - the requisite black male wearing a head covering since we know everyone has to be a phocking pharrett.
Ricky Martin was on - poor guy - no one told him this was no talent at the apollo night. He was ghastly - tonight's show was like having to do a smoke filled lounge in Detroit - five non-drunk people and the rest all sharing a bong. Then there was scag face and odd mouth from the american idiol cast offs and the sound was quickly turned into a Surgeon General warning. Then the number two guy appeared and we knew it was time to flush it down.
I'm not sure what a Janal Monae is but she's horrific - ghastly - flat - typical type of music that is recorded today - more worried about slutty moves and not one ounce of singing talent. Some odd guy with a beard appeared - this is a joke!
Another nothing singer - Prince Royce - one shit after another tonight on Crap radio!
Has every modern act been reduced to impersonating sex acts to music?
Now Jayho is on stage - the misery won't stop tonight. Something called Pit Bull was on stage. Watch your step, there was poo on stage - there had to be.
Another crap act Echosmith with the American Idol magic mushroom - egads is this bad - flat and off tune.
The highpoint of the show was Keith Urban singing - a real singing voice - really distinctive - really talented - woohooo! I remember seeing Keith Urban at a non-profit where I was working - a fundraising concert when Keith was nothing and just starting out - this guy just nails it!
Next up Wanda and the Number Two Guy - it was almost okay then Number Two Guy entered - dressed up like cheap date with skin tight pants and a sweater pulled down to his knees - ghastly - and the requisite Pharrett hat. If I wanted to hear guys sing high notes, I'd listen to the Bee Gees.
New Kids on the Block - now sounding 80 years old with the trippie teenage faux singer from American Idol - they noted in the preshow that he had big feet - oh dear. It was that kind of night - when you have to flash the words of their song on the screen and all the words are "oh" - you know the night sucks.
Then there was some curly haired guy singing like a chick with the hairball hair with a pierced nose guy who always dressed horrificly - I'm not sure what is worse - the way he looks or his singing.
Pitbull - whoever the fock they are - Chris Brown - isn't he a woman beater? And them another washed up American Idol 14 faux singer.
Steven Tyler was on - not sure if he was a man or woman - not sure if he was a dead body animated or a drugged up human - he is not aging well - then the faux rocker faux blonde bitch came on stage - more yelling and shrieking than a Rosanne Barr and Tim Arnold marriage fight - at least it was entertaining if not easy on the ears.
Dick Sucking Lips performed with what is left of Michael McDonald - it was kinda sad to see how he could barely sing - at least DSL sang fairly well even if MM could barely open his mouth at his advanced age.
Now to the Guy Who Loves Himself More than Anything and the Father That Loves Himself Even More - Andy Grammer - can't sing worth a lick and the song that GWLHMA - ghastly - horrible - vomit inducing -
Trio of judges performing was actually quite good - and Harry Conartist wasn't singing - thank you!
And the winner of the worst season of American Idol is.....
The Guy Who Loves Himself Wins! This is truly the frosting on a dog pile cake of a season. How fitting - a guy who can't even sing and who stomps roaches when he performs!
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