Below is the text of the speech he delivered as it was processed through a truth machine.
I watched this screed on CNN and the post speech analysis was as if the Democrat National Committee was doing the post speech analysis. There was no shame for the dishonesty. Proof that CNN is 100% no news and all Democrat.
And not one mention of the 10 American hostages taken in the third term of Jimmy Carter's Presidency.
Lecture to the Union
America, let’s not worry about the State of our Union – let’s go back to the change that I promised and forget about the hope. We are going to change this country and I’m hellbent on destroying it.
We should start by adhering to the rule of law. Don’t worry. The law is what I say it is and I rule over you because I am unwilling to negotiate.
You see, I’m larger than you – I’m important. I’m black. Therefore I matter.
You got your right to marry whom you want. And I’ll make sure you don’t get any of the bill of rights as broadly interpreted. Freedom of speech hurts others. Freedom of religion only applies to mooslims. And nothing is as precious as the right of a woman to kill their unborn child and for Planned Parenthood to sell the bits and pieces for a profit.
We have to act now on climate change. And I fully support bankrupting you in the process because we all know America is a very bad place.
America has the best economy in the world and we should thank the 17% of our labor force that is now unable to speak English and cannot produce legal papers. The auto industry has had its best year and Government Motors has killed over 100 citizens and made off with over $50 billion interest and tax free.
Technology is good – I can spy on you all from my Oval Office and Moochelle finger paints her vajayjay when she sees you eating vegetables.
Don’t mind me while I talk about myself – after all, I am a King and you don’t matter.
We have to make college affordable for everyone yet we should not tell any school that produces future leftists to control their costs. Brainwashing the young costs money and we want to make sure that the rich get soaked so that we can complete the total control of our youth.
I won’t mention that Joe Bite Me’s son died. I offered to pay him some money so he wouldn’t have to use the $22k per month rent he charges the secret service to live on his property so he can safely swim in the nude each night in front of the female guards.
You’ll wonder where I got the “facts” I’m using, but I did wash the facts after pulling them from my ass. You might smell something that isn’t quite right, but I know it isn’t my unwashed ass. It is yours.
Don’t worry, I won’t mention that the Iranians have kidnapped 10 of our service personnel. I am assured by Joe Bite Me that this is merely a rumor. I spoke with former President Jimmy Carter and he offered me advice on how to end this situation.
My wife, Moochelle My Bell, looks radiant in her nuclear mustard sleeveless sack cloth that covers her big ass and rides up high enough for you to see her catcher’s mitt that is somewhere between her legs.
If I’ve lost you with this speech, I’m happy my plan has worked.
I’m now going to list things and make linkages with Sputnik and Global Climate Change. Don’t mind my lack of clarity. I don’t mean to have any.
I’m going to put Joe Bite me in control of cancer – he is a master of speaking fluent English so he’s just the right guy to make sure we cure cancer. Did I mention Joe Bite Me’s son Beau died of cancer?
If you want to dispute Climate Change then you will be a fool. Don’t bother me with the facts or that we are distorting data to prove our point that the earth isn’t flat, it’s paper thin. We spent trillions of dollars to make conventional energy sources so expensive that wind produced by my voice is now cheaper than coal and other fossil fuels. We’ve free coal miners from their jobs and now they have quality family time with their children – and we should extend paid leave so these coal miners have an income.
I propose that we spend trillions more into the economies that we’ve freed coal miners and other people who had good paying jobs that are now showing the way to clean energy. It is simply untrue that people with jobs would pay taxes. I know better. We will give those communities billions and trillions like they won the lotto.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you the truth. I’m telling you America is strong so you know that I’m telling you the truth just like I told you that you could keep your doctor and your insurance and that you’d end up saving $2500 per family per year with my healthcare plan.
Surveys show that we are more popular around the world than before I arrived. I hope Family Feud doesn’t sue me for stealing their line.
Today we are not being threatened by evil empires. We are threatened by JV Teams and Lone Wolves and homicidal nutcases we don’t put into institutions. But we are safer now than we were before – that is why I allowed Iran to have nuclear weapons so that we can lament about the gold old days and your children can practice hiding under their desks.
We have to take out Ice Piss and I’m going to draw many lines in the sand so they’ll feel very scared. I’ll play golf just to show how much I worry about your safety.
Did you know that we’ve flown 10,000 sorties over Ice Piss and that 9,900 of those sorties came back without dropping their payloads – this is our safer war on angry and misguided unemployed mooslims. And remember I got Osama Bin Laden. And because I’m a big boy, I’ll crow about nailing dirtbag after dirtbag. I believe even Truman patted himself on the back after getting Hitler and Toyoduh.
Remmeber that if you pronounce a foreign nation in a way that is different than what real people do, it makes you sound like you know what you are doing. And the world loves us more now than during that last administration. That is why the Arab Spring was so successful by replacing tyrants with a JV team.
Can’t follow my speech or know where I’m going? Get a GPS so I can target a drone on you.
I stopped Ebola in Africa. Bet you didn’t know that. I am just all that and a bag of chips. I am King. Hear me bloviate.
I will shut down the prison camp at Gitmo even if the prisoners sue me because they no longer get better food than their former prison guards.
The world respects us not because we have big weapons or massive peens, it is because we respect people like Chlamydia Kardashian Jenner. And we should pander to mooslims because you know I’m a Christian and I’m lecturing you that mooslims matter!
We need to make it easier to vote – we need to open caskets so that voters can get to the polls. We need to open our borders so that people who want to vote here can vote here. And we need to make sure that not only white Christian men can vote – we need to make them wait in long lines so they’ll never vote again. And if we have enough Spanish language people in line, we won’t need to print anything in English!
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