His well hung corpse is barely chilled in his new stainless steel slideout morgue cell but Andy Rooney had to travel to a place slightly warmer to get the first interview with the child molester, Jeffrey Epstein in this Hellfire Interview.
Disclosure: Andy Rooney had to arrange with the Embassies of Heaven and of Hell in order to secure his safe passage and back to visit with Epstein the molester. God and Satan agreed that Andy would be permitted back to heaven if God did not impede Epstein's immediate eternal imprisonment in Hell. Even angels like Andy Rooney have to wear protective gear to prevent their souls being seized by a renegade Demon wishing to score points with the Devil.
Andy Rooney: "I bet you didn't see that coming. One minute you were a small man sitting in a jail cell after taking the virginity of hundreds of little girls. The next minute you were well hung."
Epstein: "Well, I think the Russians set me up."
Andy Rooney: "Yeah, PMSNBC was saying the same thing. Jerrold Nadler and Adam Schitt were also sniffing around your corpse trying to detect Russian conspiracy aroma."
Epstein: "So that is why Adam had his nose in my junk."
Andy Rooney: "So did you commit suicide or was this a real life episode of the Swamp setting you up so that big time Democrats weren't exposed for being child molesters?"
Epstein: "Do you seriously think I'd hang myself with billions of dollars left for my defense?"
Andy Rooney: "Point well taken. So how is hell?"
Epstein: "This place rocks. Little devil girls who give me all I can handle and I get more orgasms now than when I was alive. I just have to watch for the demons who booger me with their mile long dicks. But, everything heels up quickly and we go at it again and again and again. I'm told I'll get this for eternity."
Andy Rooney: "I'm sure you are enjoying yourself."
Epstein: "My cell in prison is right next to the Clinton wing. Preparations are still ongoing for Bill and Hillary's final stay here. It is no Ramada or Holiday Inn. Hillary is going to be disappointed than none of her demands will be met here. She'll have eternity to invent excuses why she lost. Satan knows she's a bitch and she'll be singing like Tammy Wynette."
Andy Rooney: "I can't imagine the torture you'll endure hearing her singing."
Epstein: "No problem here. I'll be in a pile of demon girls all looking like hot 12 year olds who will give me head, take my head, and reattach it with barbed wire sutures."
Andy Rooney: "You have so much to look forward to."
Epstein: "And I have my own personal island in a sea of fire. The view is amazing and my skin tans like a hot dog on a bbq. Just the right amount of burn."
Andy Rooney: "So how many virgins did you bag while you were hunting for children?"
Epstein: "512. Once you leave the earth and the fog of being human, reality is very clear."
Andy Rooney: "So, who are the big names that have yet to be disclosed who enjoyed you for this young girls?"
Epstein: "Really big names from all over the world. There won't be any mooslim names since they go after boy harems. But there will be Catholics and Baptists and the details will make your toes curl."
Andy Rooney: "Any last words before you are consigned to your Demon Chicks for eternity?"
Epstein: "Yes, just because you are rich does not mean you get away with anything. fIf those who whore around with like the Clintons are still breathing, you won't be. You can't take your billions with you so try to spend it on a solitary confinement wing to give you hope you can get out to abuse more children."
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