I am no Fruit computer company aficionado. I don’t much think highly of anything they build. I marvel at those who coo and giggle at the simple act of opening a Fruity product box with the glee of a three year old tackling Santa’s droppings under the Christmas tree. I never got the whole sensation of near orgasmic release that Fruit Flies get when the next big thing is released. I did marvel at how easily fools and their money are so quickly parted after each “Dub” event. You know you are a Fruit Fly if you even know what that means. If you don’t, you are so blessed. I’ll have to admit to having owned two prior Fruit Company products – that company that prides itself on selling apples at outrageous prices. My first was a mirror door “wind tunnel” g4 tower that I was given because it didn’t work. It was my first peak at Fruit products and using my wintel experience, I was able to discover the cause of the non-performance of the noisy fruit and I got it back to its noise making. This model of a tower was nicknamed “wind tunnel” because it sounded like one when it heated up. I still have that machine as it has a beautiful lucite monitor with matching keyboard and the whole tower is an exercise in shaped lucite (clear plastic) and silver. It is simply gorgeous. I keep it because it is huge and makes a nice conversation piece. I was shocked while writing this article to find that there is just the tower with less memory and less storage selling on ebay for $600. I was floored. Shipping added another $95 because this and cement shoes and a dead crime victim weight just about as much to ship, er to sink. There were other more reasonably priced units for sale, but still people will go after antique fruit with almost as much cooing as they do the new shit. My second foray into the world of all things Fruit was another computer given to me – a classic white G3 laptop that again didn’t work. If you haven’t figured out by now that I am someone who routinely fixes broken computers for a hobby. My friends know this and I get some jewels to play with when they aren’t attached to a particular man! The G3 laptop wouldn’t charge. It was as dead as Ray Charles. There were two prospects as to the cause of said dead Fruit. The first was a motherboard that had an issue. The motherboard on this cost about $200 to purchase and would have taken several hours to swap out. On some Dell laptops, I can replace them in a full thirty minutes from the time the first screw is removed until the last screw is installed. In the world of early fruit, these things were built as if someone had their head up their ass. The other option to fix this non-charging Fruit was to replace the DC cable since it plugged into the motherboard. That cost $25. My friends know I’m one cheap SOB so I chose the cheapest option. It was also the most likely option as to the cause of non-charge. My hunch proved to be correct – after some choice words and some effort, I was able to charge said Fruit to an operational status – the original hard drive still functioned – the near stone tablet operating system was still operational. And it was not password locked. This was a beautiful laptop – the Fruit company long abandoned its support with an operating system that was at least invented in the era of paper, so I sold it on ebay for $100 which covered my costs and made up for the swear words uttered taking out the plethora of tiny screws inside. One must now also grasp my general contempt for the Fruit company as it is now comprised. I marveled at Steve Jobs and his passion for creating excellence and seeking new things – actually innovating. Alas, innovation at the Fruit company ceased when Steve passed away 10 years ago today. I won’t even pretend that this article comes out because of his 10th anniversary of his last breath, but it piggybacks upon the actual motive for writing this. Up until 2012, the Fruit company built what is perhaps the best ever conceived and designed laptop of any kind and flavor. I say that after having to eat much crow – my wonderful best friend Tim from Canada and I have had long discussions about all things fruit, and he has a 2011 macbook pro of the 15 inch variety. He does have a thing for size. But I digress. After having many co-workers and Fruit afficiandos tell the tale of how their such vintage Fruit computers were the best thing on earth next to individually wrapped real cheese slices, I began to contemplate my potential of acquiring said Fruit. These Fruit laptops, called Macbook pros (13 and the extra sized 15 incher) were of the unibody design where there were actual ports and the overall scheme of things wasn’t to make them pencil dick thin. I’ve found that girth has just as much importance of the inches on a ruler and screen size. I like a substantial piece of aluminum and have no need for something so thin as to make you forget the thing cannot be fixed when it breaks. And so it has been a journey of eating crow and wiping clean my belief window that I finally convinced myself that I too wanted some Fruit. I’ll admit to being more than intrigued by how the Fruit company has taken a two bit ARM processor and renamed it Fruit Silicone and integrated memory and storage into something that cannot be changed, upgraded, or fixed when it breaks. Alas it is efficient and processes things well enough to take the benefit of made for Fruit software and to produce compelling marketing slogans and copy. Fruit products may be less than useful overall with their continued need to be pencil thin, but at least there is movement on power efficiency when Intel gobbles up power and generates heat from their patting themselves on the backside. Yet, for all my desire for some Fruit, I am loathe to consider adding the 2021’s profits for the Fruit company. I may desire a bite out of some fruit, but I’m not going to reward Tim Cook for his continued desire to place profit over being able to fix his shit when it invariably stops working. So I went back to my Friend Tim from Canada and his 2011 laptop. I did my due research as I am want to do before committing to something and found that if I bought a non-retina display mid 2012 computer, it could be upgraded and still had value and could run a near modern operating system. And while it could not operate with the latest, it could with last year’s model and that was just fine with me. So I discovered the price point I could expect to pay and read up on the specifications of such 2012 macbook and I decided that 13 inches was fine for me (I have a small mouth). And I started looking at ebay lisitngs to see what was what and how things were selling in the end. I discovered by total accident one night a 13 inch macbook pro of the mid 2012 vintage that was working and had the basics that I could build upon. And it was going for less money than many of the others. I held back until the last 15 seconds and pounced with my commitment toward the fruit and I beat out the other stiffs by $2 and with all fees and taxes, I ended up with a working 2012 macbook pro 13 inch for $211. I was as giddy as a lad enjoying his first ice cream cake (a nod to “torch song trilogy”). I then set out to remediate the weakness of this computer – I secured a 1 TB ssd to replace the spinning drive and was all set to make this into the high performance version of the 2012 model. What I did not expect was the seller mislabeling the system as having 16gb of ram when it in fact came with a flaccid 4 gbs; but I have old technology surrounding me and I was able to repurpose 2 sticks of 8gb of DDR 3 memory from 2 different retired ASUS computers and the Fruit computer loved it! Now such a laptop is not going to process 4k video in under 3 days. It is not going to impress your friends who value pencil dicks. But it will impress people who still can appreciate a classic and who know that this model is the best ever laptop ever built. Thickness and girth have its benefits. Now if only I had a place to put my beer can….

This is an equal time reality check for Apple fanbois.

Yes, the new Mac Pro is an AMAZING beast, once you plug in all the  components that will make it a beast.  

But it is not a beast at $5,999.    You could build a windows machine at less than $3,500 that would blow the doors off the base new Mac Pro.    There are superior processors that will outperform what Apple passes off as a base Mac Pro.    And before you say, "but....", I'll head you off at the pass.    To get this thing to do what it is designed to do, you'd spend well over $40,000.    That is true.   That is not making things up at all.    So if you are going to say how great this is in its top form, you must also give Windows people the same $40k budget.    We'll get to see what this will be like since already such machines are in the works.   And you won't pay $10k Apple tax to get that machine.   Already AMD builds a top of the line chip that makes the standard Mac Pro processor look like a Chevrolet Chevette in comparison.    Party on, fools.

This is so funny - I praised both on launch day forgetting that Samsung, the first to pioneer the smartphone with the portable bbq feature built in also makes the screens for many of their competitors.   I should have also recalled that Apple is essentially an assembler of other people's technology.   And the new iPhone EX is proof that to get the Apple Samsung, you will have to pay $250 more.

"Effie!  Brace Yourself!"

As Winston turned to Effie Doubtfire and said "Brace yourself" prior to reproductive nastiness, I need to warn those expecting me to trash Apple over the iPhone 8 and X to brace yourself for an unexpected response.

Love em!

I hope that you have not suffered permanent afflictions from shock - I hope there were no heart attacks or convulsions that pushed you into the path of a moving motor vehicle.

I do have a surprising appreciation for what Apple brought here - even if their watch is fucking stupid and worthless.

Below you will find the video of the announcements so you can become informed on the reality of what transpired.   I have seen some really ignorant posts to the negative of Apple and they are based on Apple hate and nothing more.   My contempt for Apple is based on their prior use of planned obsolescence and introducing as new what they withheld the year before.   And let us not forget the stupidity of their macbook pro development without touch screen or that trashcan mac that ruined a line of premium and superb cheese grater beauties that were class acts even if they were class stratospheric expensive.

Please note that I still loathe Tim Cook and wish he were dead and Steve Jobs could come back in his place.    I have nothing but respect for Steve Jobs who truly was an innovator and I respect his stubbornness even if it was sometimes boneheaded.   We can debate the merits of individual decisions, but Steve Jobs ruled - and I am no Applehead suckup!

Why I love the new iPhones 8 and X

Finally, there were serious changes - superb camera still and video improvements and real advances on processors and upgraded storage from pathetic bare minimum to industry bare minimally acceptable.    There is a difference - Apple was intentionally making their phones with low memory to force buyers up the ladder to spring for more at a high cost; it appears that Apple is abandoning the foolish approach to screwing customers.   I'm hopeful that Apple isn't just trying to pad its shocking profit margin on these phones.

While I am lost why the iPhone 8 looks like an antique with very little screen and retention of a button on the bottom (when it had no problem throwing away a user desired audio jack), I get it - in order to make the Apple X look "modern" it had to retain the near crank phone look of the iPhone 8.    No innovation here even if the screen is better in overall specifications.    I still have doubts about waterproofing versus water resistant and the so called molecular water resistance that is now offered.

What I do love and really love, is the picture and video taking  capabilities of these units.   If you are in an Apple environment (and I'm not), I'd be wetting myself to get an 8 plus just so that I could have an industry best picture and video taking capabilities.   Imagine capturing slow motion cumshots from some hottie who is wacking before you (1080p at 240 fps).

I have generally dismissed iPhones as gimmicks - it seems we never get improved actual phone abilities from something that is supposed to be a phone first, but this new generation truly seems to abandon the pathetic roll out of tepid updates to Apple users who are generally more seagull than intelligent.

If I were to have anything negative to say about the iPhone X is (1) why isn't it the iPhone 9 and where is it? and (2) why did it take you so long to do what Samsung has been doing for years with full width and height screens.   It is odd that Steve Jobs would lambast the old smart phones on the market for tiny screens when he barely achieved better with his antique approach of a home button.    Steve was a genius - but he wasn't perfect!

Regardless of the queer naming of the iPhone X (I thought it was "X", not ten), it appears that the new standard look of iPhones from now on will be like this with the low rent versions adopting this look a year or so from now.    But the X is smooth looking and beautiful.

I love the facial recognition security even if this failed during a demonstration at the rollout.    And despite the over lies of true Apple haters, this will not be fooled by a flat picture.   Had any of these assholes had watched the videos out there on this and read about how it reads your face, you would not have it fooled by a picture.  

What I Don't Like About Apple

I generally hate the iPad lineup of products - I've used at work one of the recent ones and it is glacial at booting up.    When using the square card reader, an old ipod is faster at boot than one of the newest ipads.   What gives here?

Why isn't an iPad also a phone?    Seriously, if I'm going to carry one product, I'm going to carry the one that gives me the greatest usability - and I'm sorry, no phone made has a screen big enough to see easily - while 6 plus inches in peen is acceptable, it is not for usability in programs (I never use app because that is propaganda forwarded by App-le).    It would seem to me that if you had a special bluetooth ear piece, you could voice command to your iPad which would make calls for you - and your iPad would be tucked away in your bag without you having to use your hands.   I don't see the point in having a small computer that is hard to read while also having an iPad - and I know you can talk to your tablet if you have a phone, but that is backwards - you should have a tablet that does what your phone can do and you don't need two items to do serious work.    And if you are shopping, it is easier to read an iPad to do comparisons than a midget penis phone.

I loathe the new macbook pros - they are disasters - they are pointlessly thin - you have to add things back to do what Macs used to do five years ago - so all the weight you saved with the new Mac is lost by adding back for all your adapters.    And that stupid touchbar is retarded (yes, it is retarded).   What Apple chose to do is to do touch screens on the cheap so that they can continue to sell tablets to get touch and phones to make calls.    It would seem that Apple could make a tablet like the Windows Surface that can easily be a laptop and which also could be your phone when you need it.

Obviously my idea removes two worthless products from the mix and would make people buy less items from Apple (and cost the company profit), but if the efforts were made to make the iPad something you can actually do work on, having it as your phone, and with an easy and sturdy keyboard that would add battery capability (or to charge the iPad when connected), you'd have an amazing product that makes everyone else seem neanderthal - "you just have a phone? - look what my Apple can do!"

Overall, however, Apple hit two home runs with these new iPhones.   Gone are the tepid upgrades and now these are some serious products for those who live in the world of Apple. 


Institutional Arrogance Growing

Apple is a far leftist company that is pretentious and arrogant in pushing what it thinks "our vision" should be with "their vision".   Their foolish renaming of their stores and the arrogance of their outrageously huge new headquarters blowing their own horn about renewal energy sources while their materials were never held to that same standard and certainly none of the materials were transported using "renewal energy" sources.

I loathe the arrogance of the company as holier than thou and loathe their outrageous profit margin model while they claim that the cost of their products is indicative of superior engineering and hardware.   The fact remains that the cost of these products to the consumer is inflated far greater than any other manufacturer of hardware and Apple is arrogant in making you pay through the nose for their shit because "you should and we are better than anyone else".    Well, that is all bullshit.   Samsung routinely builds far better phones than Apple and doesn't charge as much.