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Reports from the
United States Senate where the upcoming confirmation for Chuck
Hagel, former Republican Senator and otherwise idiotic asswipe,
for the office as Department of Defense Head appear to have taken
a turn for the worse today.
"We are in
serious trouble," noted a source who couldn't release his
name because of his closeness to the situation, "Hagel has a
lot of baggage that he is bringing to this confirmation process
and he has just tripped over those bags under his
eyes. He fell flat on his face during his confirmation
hearings and just now fell down the stairs to the Senate Chamber
as he tried to lobby for his confirmation."
Former Senator
Hagel has received particularly harsh treatment from former
Republican colleagues as he went through the confirmation
process.
"This guy is
like a marked man," noted a Democrat Senator who was singing
Hagel's praise in the run up to the confirmation vote.
"He's a Republican - he says stupid shit all the
time. If we held him to a standard of sobriety and
consistency, we'd never confirm any former Republican to any
office. The President thinks that Hagel will do a fine
job destroying America's defenses and we'll be damned we are going
to give the President his wish to make America defenseless."
Hagel has never
been a former KKK member like the late (that means dead dead dead)
former Democrat Icon Senator, Robert Byrd from West Virginia and
has never impeded any civil rights legislation like many Senate
Democrats did in the 1960's, but his treatment by Senate
Republicans has been particularly perplexing given how John McCain
used to suck up to the Democrats by crossing the aisle to sabotage
Republican efforts to look coherent.
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Even McCain now, and the principle
architect in the Senate to make illegal aliens into citizens, Lindsay
Grahamnesty, are treating Hagel as if he was the legitimate son of the
President.
"Rarely have I seen a
former Senator treated with this much contempt," noted Diane Feinstein
(who demands to be called Senator Damn it) "These Republicans
just don't want to see one of their own helping to destroy this country like
the rest of us in the DNC have undertaken with our partnership with President
Obama. You know those Republicans would sell out
America at the right price yet they act all indignant that we have bigger
balls than they do and are willing to sell out both our soul and country for a
higher cause - American Citizen Remorse."
Today's vote was going to be
difficult enough because of some things that Hagel had said about Israel and
that Girl Scout cookies sucked and might contain horsemeat, but it wasn't
until Hagel did a Lady Gag Gag and tripped over his own baggy eyes that the
Senate took notice and postponed further action until Hagel's bags can be
verified for being authentic name brand label instead of knockoffs made by
Chinese Child Slave Labor.
The President, now underway for
his second vacation in less than two months, could not be reached for comment
as his Defense nominee is sinking faster than the President's State of the
Union speech delivered this past Tuesday.
Presidential spokesman and
press secretary, Headup Myazz noted that "the President has been briefed
on Hagel's missteps and has confirmed that this is what you get when you
depend on white people."
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