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This cruise had all
the trappings of a Hollywood movie - lots of rich Americans
booking an ostentatious cruise where food was abundant and not a
care in the world while millions of folks starve and live without
proper sanitation.
"A crippled cruise ship described by people on board as a nightmare of filth crawled Thursday toward port — and finally relief for passengers who say they are exhausted after days without sufficient food, power or working
bathrooms," was how this cruise ended up on a story linked
through NBC news today.
Oddly enough the
misery of some Americans has been an experience that others would
pay dearly to experience.
Enter the American
Golden Shower Coalition (AGSC), a group of rugged individuals who
derive joy from bathroom activities and who view waste as a
life-changing experience.
"We've been
trying for years to have a cruise where our members could just
piss all over each other and the boat and we were willing to pay a
premium to charter such a ship. We have well over
4,000 members and most want to take a piss cruise and we were able
to afford booking the whole ship but no one would cater to
us," said Ramone Wizzkid, President of AGSC.
"Now that Carnival has a ship already primed and ready to go,
I'm sure they'll want to give us a chance - they won't even have
to clean up the ship - just restore some power, air conditioning,
and give us some fresh food and well make a cruise that makes our
members all wet with anticipation!"
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AGSC has provided this reporter
with a list of potential activities that their members will be anticipating
and nearly pissing themselves in the process:
- Fireman and the
Flame. Teams of men will attempt to put out fires with their
personal fire hoses.
- Squat and Smile.
Women with a partner will shower their mate by squatting over them.
- Shitcastles. With
a few tarps placed on the deck, contestants in teams will seek to build fecal
towers that will rival anything Donald Trump can create.
- Fudge Toss. Once
the castles have been judged, teams will toss the now firm building material
and will seek to score points in a wild carnival game where you can win
stuffed animals and other worthless prizes.
- High School Showers weren't
like this - 50's and 60's music played in the background as both men and women
take showers in each other's personal liquid and dance the night away.
If you are interested in this
fascinating experience, act quickly! AGSC members will have
first dibs on the cruise slots and prices start at $5,995. Plenty
of water and ruffage will be provided on the tour and it is asked that if you
are experiencing personal looseness in your stool that you allow someone with
more substance to have a spot on the cruise. This cruise will be a
7 day, 6 night cruise and is entirely clothing optional. We
ask that you be in a couple though single occupancy is permitted if you are
particularly skilled at toilet olympic events.
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